L O
V E L
I G H
T



Magazine
SPECIAL CHRISTMAS
EDITION
JOYFUL, HAPPY,
DELIGHTFUL SEASON OF LOVE AND LIGHT
*****
Managing Editors: Richard Shining Thunder Francis and AdaMaria Francis
*****
Special, profound thanks and public acknowledgements are due
to the following contributors to this issue: Ramona Abella, Jim Dwyer, Maureen Dwyer, Mick Gallagher, Greentips,
Victoria Jones, Michelle Lawson, Ty Scharrer, and Geoffrey Stoermer.
*****
LOVELIGHT MAGAZINE:
WHAT WE'RE ALL ABOUT
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*****
*****
ATTITUDE
DETERMINES ALTITUDE, sent in by Geoffrey Stoermer (original author
unknown)
I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the
clock strikes midnight. I have
responsibilities to fulfill today. They are important. My job is to choose what kind
of day I am going to have.
Today I can complain because the weather is rainy, or I can be thankful
that the grass
is getting watered.
Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money, or I can be glad that
my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and
guide me away from waste. Today
I can grumble about my health, or I can rejoice that I am
alive. Today I can lament over all
that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up, or I
can feel grateful that they
allowed me to be born. Today I can
cry because roses have thorns, or I can celebrate
that thorns have roses. Today I
can mourn my lack of friends, or I can excitedly
embark upon a quest to discover new relationships. Today I can whine because I have to
go to work, or
I can shout for joy because I have a job to do. Today I can complain because
I have to go to school, or eagerly open my mind and fill it
with rich new tidbits of knowledge. Today I can murmur dejectedly because I
have to do housework, or I can feel honored because the Lord of Love has
provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.
Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to
do the shaping. What today will be
like is up to you. You get to choose what kind of day you will have!
*****
*****
SMILES, LAUGHS, CHUCKLES, AND SNORTS: HUMORTHERAPY
IDIOT SIGHTINGS, sent in by Maureen Dwyer
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears
repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a
"large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and
said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4
horsepower."
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's
not. Four is larger than two."
We haven't used commercial repairmen since.
***
My daughter and I went through the fast-food take-out window
and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her
a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money."
I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar
bill back."
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my
request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said ŇWeŐre
sorry but we canŐt do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded
to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
***
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER
CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit
by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be
crossing anymore."
***
My daughter went to a local fastfood place and ordered a taco. She asked
the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they had only iceburg lettuce.
***
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when an
airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
your knowledge?"
I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I
know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
***
At a goodbye luncheon for an old and dear coworker, (she was
leaving the company due to "downsizing"), our manager commented
cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare.
***
I work with an individual who
plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life couldn't
understand why her system would not turn on.
***
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car,
we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driverŐs side
door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its
open!"
His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
***
They walk among us, and the scary part is that they VOTE and they reproduce!
***
A NIGHT WITH THE GIRLS, sent in by Ty Scharrer
Why females should
avoid a girls night out after they are married:
The other night I was invited out for a night with the
girls. I told my husband that I
would be home by midnight, "I
promise!" Well,
the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3a.m., a bit worse for wear, I
headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and
cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I
"cuckooed" another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed I knew 3
cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told
him, "midnight." He
didn't seem concerned at all. Whew!
Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why he said, "Well,
last night our clock cuckooed three times, then it said, "Oh darn."
And cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times,
giggled, and cuckooed twice more."
***
PARTIAL TRUTH,
sent in by Ty Scharrer
An elderly Italian man went to the local church for
confession. He said: "During
World War II, a beautiful woman asked me to hide her from the enemy. So, I hid her in my attic."
The
priest replied: "That was a
wonderful thing. You have no need
to confess that."
"It's worse than
that. She repayed me with sexual
favors."
The
priest said: "Two people together
under those circumstances are greatly tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry, you are
forgiven."
"Thank you. That's a great load off my mind. But I
have one more question."
"And what is
that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her that
the war is over?"
*****
TIPS TO WARM YOUR HEARTH, from Greentips
October 2007
With fall in the air, itŐs time to ensure that your home
is properly insulated. Insulation
prevents heat from leaking out of your home in winter and into your home in
summer, making it more comfortable year-round and reducing your energy
consumption, global warming pollution, and heating and air conditioning costs.
The many options on the market
today include fiberglass rolls, spray foam, rigid foam, and loose-fill
cellulose made from old newspapers. To determine the best fit for your needs, consider these
factors:
The most important factor in
your purchasing decision should be the insulationŐs R-value; use the other
criteria to narrow your options. Choosing
the most effective insulator that fits within your budget is the best way to
minimize your contribution to global warming while keeping you warm and cozy.
Related Links:
BuildingGreen.com--
Summary of Environmental and Health
Impacts
BuildingGreen.com--
Insulation materials: Environmental
Comparisons
U.S.
Department of Energy-- Insulation
*****
*****
THE DETOXING OF AMERICA, by Mick Gallagher
From: mctgal@fuse.net
To:
Letters@Dispatch.com
Subject:
Letters to the editor
HEADLINE:
AMERICA TO ENTER RE-HAB BY YEARS END
It has been reported That the U.S. in it's entirety will enter into a sort of massive, collective de-tox process so as to correct it's current path. Some of the addictions listed to be addressed, are as follows: Fear, ignorance, arrogance, oil, 24/7 shopping, consumerism, materialism, wars(for oil, and American Business interests); lying (heads of church and state mandated for longer programs), gizmo's, gadgets, cell phones, text msg'n, supremacy/superiority, callousness, indifference(to fellow Human Beings); hegemony-Hubris for the sake of more world domination for the sake of more corporate profits.
Wouldn't it be refreshing to see this headline and admission of remorse, self-reflection, and introspection instead of the corporate media pounding us with more & more of celebrity malfeasance? Britney Spears, etc.
Instead--the entire nation takes a look within, to see what is driving a wedge between
the common person, and the use
of media fear to debilitate, divide
and conquer.
I think the wider world would let out a sigh of relief, because they fear our New World 'Shock Doctrine'--and. also they fear we may implode.
So--I ask you which is worse, a time out (and no it won't ruin the
economy) of the way were living and behaving, learn to return to Love,
compassion, empathy, and quit being misled by the elite corpratocracy---to tell
us who our enemies are, every 6 months, so that they can continue to edge us
towards the end of days. The world
might retaliate for our Imperialist Hegemony at some future point.
We had better re-evaluate the course were on with this present administration. Time is running out. Mother nature is not awaiting our approval, in healing, cleansing the world from the harm we have inflicted in our 'false Pursuits' of material wealth, as a substitute for Happiness.
*****
*****
LET GOD DO IT,
sent in by Geoff Stoermer
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you
cannot handle, do not attempt
to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box.
She will get to it in Her TIME. All situations will
be resolved, but in Her time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it
by worrying about it. Instead,
focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people for whom driving is an
unheard of privilege. Should you
have a bad day at work, think of the person who has been out of work for years. Should you despair over a relationship
gone bad, think of the person
who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return. Should you grieve the passing of another
weekend, think of the woman in
dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children. Should your car break down, leaving you
miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity
to take that walk. Should you
notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemo who
wishes she had hair to examine. Should
you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be
thankful. There are those who
didn't live long enough to get the
opportunity. Should you find
yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could
be worse: You could be one of them!
Have a day filled with
appreciation of the glory of God that surrounds you.
*****
*****
THE FOUR AGREEMENTS, sent in by Geoffrey Stoermer
From the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel
Ruiz.
These are the four.
1) Be
honest. Speak with
integrity. Say only what you mean.
Avoid speaking against others. Use words in service to truth and love.
2) Don't take anything personally. Remember the magic words, "It's not about
me." Nothing others do is
because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own minds. When you are immune to the opinions and
actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3) Don't make assumptions. Ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate
with others as clearly as you can.
4) Always do your best. It is going to change from moment to moment; it will be
different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance,
simply do your best.
These principles seem self-evident. They are nothing more than commonsense,
and the results of simple observation.
They are far from dramatic revelations. Not a one of them is anything new.
*****
*****
THE MOST CARING
CHILD
In a miniparable, the "most
compassionate child" was a four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor
was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy
went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat
there. When his mother asked him
what he had said to the neighbor, the Little boy just said, "Nothing, I
just helped him cry."
*****
GOD IN ACTION
An eye witness account, on a cold day in December, some
years ago: A little boy was standing before a shoe store, barefooted, peering
through the window, and shivering.
A lady approached and said, "My, but you're in such deep thought!"
"I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," the boy replied.
The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk
to get half a dozen pairs of socks. She then asked for a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
She took the boy to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves,
knelt down, washed his feet, and dried them with the towel. By this time, the clerk had returned
with the socks. Placing a pair
upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of
socks and gave them to him. As she
turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into
her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her, "Are you God's wife?"
He
did not realize the great truth that, in that moment, she was God Herself.
*****
*****
GRANDPARENTS AND GRANDCHILDREN, sent in by Chris Finer
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy
Birthday.
He asked me how
old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a
moment, and
then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
***
After
putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed
into old slacks
and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As
she heard the
children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience
grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her
head and stormed into
their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the
room, she heard
the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was
THAT?"
***
A
grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was
like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing
made from a
tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our
pony. We picked wild raspberries in the
woods." The little girl was
wide-eyed,
taking this all in. At last she
said, "I sure wish I'd gotten
to know you
sooner!"
***
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor.
She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
***
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we
kept
the lights off
until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few
fireflies followed us in. Noticing
them before I did, Billy
whispered,
"It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights."
***
*****
WORDS
BY WHICH TO LOVE, sent in by Victoria
Jones
"It takes courage to release the
familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new, but there is no security in
what is no longer meaningful to the enhancement of the spirit. There is more
security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in
change there is power."-- Alan Cohen
***
"Progress is impossible without change;
and those who cannot change their minds, cannot change anything."-- George
Bernard Shaw
*******
MORE QUOTES, sent in by Geoffrey Stoermer:
"Choose your thoughts carefully .. you are a masterpiece
of your life"
"When the voice and vision on the inside become more profound and clear
than the opinions on the outside, then you have mastered your life"
"Relationships: Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by others ..
love yourself and you will be loved"
*****
*****
ATTACHMENT, sent in by Geoffrey Stoermer
What
is in the mind does not belong to the mind. The content of consciousness flows in and out. But mind is not the content.
Attachment to
content creates a log-jam in the river of mind. It complicates and confuses. For everything that we want there is something that we donŐt
want. This attachment is an
attempt to control what cannot be controlled.
Every time you surrender
ego, more ego comes up. That is
the nature of the process. It
doesnŐt mean that you are doing anything incorrectly. It just means that you are going deeper.
*****
*****
IMAGINARY MESSAGE FROM "GOD" sent in by Frank
Tyrrell
What would I say to members of
cults and ex-members if I were God?
Well, being God and all-- and quite above the self-interested bickering about My nature-- going around on your little dirtball, and after having given [freedom to] all My children throughout the universe of universes of My creation, it would hardly be consistent to "give 'em hell" for using that free will as they choose to do. However, on the next level of being-- that next step closer to Me by a silly millimeter on the nearly infinite ladder leading to My Presence-- I'd arrange for a smidgen more of My real character to be revealed. The limitation of their understanding originates in their animal minds, not with Me.
Of course, just like in any school, the really aware ones get advanced placement in Mine. And those that arrive on the short bus, well, they will continue to make up the quota of troublemakers and dumbos until they stop resisting truth and love. In the meantime, the smart ones should begin helping the dumb ones stop resisting truth and love since none of you can graduate until all of you can graduate. Ironic, I know, but there I give it to you. And I leave it to you.
Love is the most irresistible force in My universes, and I love even the dumb ones. But I do wish sometimes that bunch would stop yammering about Jehovah, whoever that is. It certainly isn't Me. I have no name or any other sort of limitation-- as is evidenced by My continuing love for that crazy bunch in Brooklyn. [This is the headquarters for the Jehovah's Witness cult.] They'll pay for their continuing deliberate ignorance about Me when they're all wearing the dunce hats in the next life. And won't it be like glowing coals heaped upon their pointy little heads when their help comes from you more advanced ones, the very ones they kicked out in "disgrace"? The last become the first and vice-versa. The soft and weak overcome the hard and strong every time. It's just the Way of My creations. I always see to that.
I can hardly wait, and waiting is what I do best.
*****
*****
DELIGHTFUL LETTERS FROM OUR PALS, BUDS, AND
SPECIAL FRIENDS
From Ramona Abella:
Dearest friends, Richard and Maria:
This message comes bearing gifts of love and gratitude
for your loving presence and your crystal clear Spirit and the healing and hope
they bring into so many lives, including my own. Words will not ever
fully express how very much both of you mean to me.
Love and blessings these "Holy Days" and always,
***
From Michelle Lawson:
Dearest Maria and Richard,
Thank you so much for the lovely Christmas card. I was deeply saddened to
hear Richard's need for a kidney transplantÉ. but the thought of my giving was
one of the first that entered my mind. I so can't bare the thought of
losing Richard this way, if we can only find the right donor.
ÉYou both have changed my life in
ways you will never know. You are very special people. Maria,
you cannot be without this wonderful man. you complete each otherÉ.
Love to you both,
**********
*****
THE DEEPER MEANING OF CHRISTMAS
On December 25, most of the world will be celebrating the birth of the master Jesus Christ, a baby born in a manger. And spiritual people will also celebrate this very momentous event.
But many spiritual people look beyond the merely literal and historical meanings found in the Gospels, to their deeper significance. From this perspective, Jesus represents the full-grown spiritual being within all of us. The events of his birth and life symbolize important signposts in our own personal spiritual growth.
The Gospels might also represent literal historic events; nothing indicates that they could not. But virtually all scholars agree that Jesus was not born on December 25. They disagree as to exactly when he was born into our world, but none champion the idea that he was born on Christmas.
But this really does not matter. For a truly spiritualized Christmas celebrates the "birth" of the interior Christ, in your heart, mine, and those of all "people of good-will." This crucial event can be celebrated at any day, any time of the year. But it is very important that we do celebrate the internal "birth" (discovery, activation) of the Love-nature or Lovemind (mind of God or Christ).
One way to celebrate this infinite Love is by giving generously to each other. That is the meaning of the exchange of gifts. Each gift should say, simply, "I love you," and people should not compete in who is giving the "better" gift. And a gift can be a material thing, or it can take immaterial forms, such as special thoughts, prayers, visualizations, and expressions of Love. Still, Christmas is famous for its tradition of giving material, physical gifts. For it is far too easy to claim, or say, that we "love" someone-- and yet, ignore them in the material distribution of earthly resources. So, giving material gifts is one of the many joys of the Season. Let us, then, ignore the crass materialism and commercialism of the special, magical Season, and give gifts of Love from the heart!
Materialism is the enemy of spirituality; and similarly, commercialism
is the enemy of a spiritual Christmas.
So, let us make sure and certain that Christmas is never all about the gifts. Let us share in its winter beauty, celebrations of nature,
song, play (parties), and general joy!
LED Lights
Make Your Holiday Greener
November 2007
Read
this issue of Greentips online
Twinkling lights on trees and houses are an icon of the
holiday season, but their energy consumption might put a damper on your
celebratory mood: this yearŐs holiday lights could generate as much global
warming pollution as about 250,000 cars, according to UCS research. Most of
this electricity is needlessly wasted, because the mini and C-7 incandescent
lights used by most homeowners are only about 10 percent efficient.
There are a variety of ways to
decorate the home without using electricity, but families who enjoy the look or
tradition of holiday lights can save money and help protect the environment by
switching to LED (light-emitting diode) holiday lights. LEDs employ
semiconductor technology to convert electricity into light directly, resulting
in significant energy savings. An LED uses approximately 0.04 watt of
electricity, compared with 0.45 watt for a mini incandescent light bulb and 7
watts for a C-7 incandescent bulb.
LEDs provide several other
benefits as well:
While they have a higher purchase
price (they cost about two to three times more than incandescent lights), LED
holiday lights quickly pay for themselves through energy savings. Using the
national average residential rate of 11.06 cents per kilowatt-hour, it costs
only 32 cents to use 300 LED lights for five hours per day for 45 days. In
comparison, using incandescent mini lights or C-7 lights for the same amount of
time would cost $3.36 and $52.25, respectively. This does not include
replacement costs for incandescent light strands, which do not last as long as
LED strands. You can reduce your energy costs even further by using solar-powered
LED lights, which can be used indoors or out.
Regardless of which bulbs you use
to light up your holiday, you can maximize their efficiency by plugging them
into an automatic timer and using mirrors and tinsel around indoor lights to
increase the lighting effects.
Related Links:
City
of Seattle—Holiday Lighting
U.S.
Department of Energy—Energy Savings Estimates of LEDs (pdf)
Energy
Services—Holiday Lights (pdf)
HAPPY, ALIVE,
AND WELL ON THE THIRD ROCK: TAKING
TIME TO ENJOY LIFE
The healthy, happy, and well are boring. They really don't have anything to teach. So runs the common "party line" in much of psychology and psychiatry, which are based on the abnormal, the exceptional, the "screwed up." Indeed, the only thing "normal" about a large majority of people is their facade, their ability to play the game and obey the rules.
It's not that this game is any fun. Most people do not seem to be having a particularly good time, and find their lives tiresome and dreary, even boring. Astonishingly, this appears to be much more true, rather than less, of the rich and famous. This is because happiness is an internal state, affected only peripherally, if at all, by external events, possessions, and environments. It is essentially a state of mental health, of interior adjustment.
The state of one's mental health is not a given, nor is it a steady-state; it is always in flux, changing, shifting, evolving, mutating. Also, and to complexify the issue, one might well be well in one area, and not so in another, or others, in her life. And over time, levels of health and well-being change, as does everything else.
still even amidst all this fluctuation and permutation, a few principles do stand out. One which is fairly obvious is that healthy and happy people tend to take an unusually positive perspective of events and of life generally. Stated succinctly, they enjoy life-- at least, to the extent that they can. They also tend to enjoy people. Generally, in this "pro-people" orientation, they are polite, courteous, and friendly. They reach out and actively communicate. But being realistic, they tend to accept people as they are, free of any hidden agenda to change them. Open to, and accepting of, strangers, they are ready to give the "benefit of the doubt" to people, assuming, unless they have reason to believe otherwise, that most people are fairly sane and decent. And this behavior tends actually to trigger the best responses from other people.
In dealing with others, it's not necessarily true that happy, honest, effective people "try harder" to be nice. It's just that friendliness comes more readily and easily to people who decide to like others. These friendly people are behaving according to their authentic inner nature; they are not "acting," or "role-playing" just to impress others.
Speaking of playing games and impressing others, happy, effective, satisfied people have another trait in common: They are not self-consciously "religious," in the sense of self-display or "showing off," showing others just how "good" or "righteous" or "Godly" they are. Its' not that they are not spiritual; many of them are, deeply so. But they do not degrade their spirituality by parading it in front of others, to "suck up" to others, to grab the approval of the crowd. Even if deeply spiritual, they might be completely non-religious, irreligious, or even humorously irreverent, but not bitterly so.
They tend to give of their humor as of their time. Satisfied, tranquil people are marked by a high generosity. They give and give, of time, energy, wisdom, humor, material aid. But they give freely and unconditionally. They do not keep records, with the expectation that, "He owes me," or, "She has to pay me back." They do not give with expectations of getting anything back. they might be well aware that the universe will reward them, but they do not express the kind spirit of giving for this purpose.
They give because it is the Way of their authentic nature. And even those who are poor know that the universe has plenty of everything, so they are never miserly, greedy, or stingy.
As they give, so they live. They can afford to be spontaneous for the same reason that they can afford to give: They trust their inner, authentic Self. They have no ulterior motives for repayment, or for anything else. Their friendliness is like this giving: They express it as a reflection of their inner goodness, NEVER because they want to manipulate people, impress them or gain their favor. For they are people who might enjoy, but do not NEED, the approval of others. They live by the very highest inner standards of love and compassion that they can comprehend, and live honestly by those noble and elevated ideals. Since they are always careful to do this, they can afford to live without excess concern about the opinions of others.
Still, they live with a deep realization that they are solidly and voluntarily connected with others. They are also unified with other beings through the mystical nature of Love, which makes all "one." If any human being has a problem, it is the entire human family that has a challenge to solve. So, they are always interested in helping out, however, whenever, with whomever they can.
In offering help, they realistically realize that they themselves are often the ones who need help. So, they begin the task of aiding an ailing humanity by working on themselves. They try to be open, honest, and self-aware. They practice simplicity and silence, giving advice ONLY when it is requested, but otherwise keeping "silent counsel" to themselves. They spend much time in inner exploration and analysis, but also in thought-free meditation, to allow for the inner higher Power of Love to act through them.
They seek to express this Love even toward strangers. This they do in moderation, recognizing that "love" means many things to many people-- some of them threatening. So, they are not intrusive or invasive. They do not grab people on the street, and give them big smacks on the lips. Nor are they necessarily effusive or obsequious. Instead, they are quietly respectful and kind. They are good, honest, and friendly towards all. This does not mean that they trust everybody. "Love" is given freely to all; but trust is like respect: It must be earned. The average person has a cautious, guarded attitude towards strangers; it is even a bit calculating, as if he/she is thinking, "What does she think of me?" or, "What's in it for me?" or, "How can I use this person?" or, "What can she do for me?" The extraordinary, joyful person is, by contrast, genuinely concerned for the welfare and happiness of others. She likes to make friendships-- even those which will last for life-- but does not do so quickly or indiscriminately. She is careful whom she invites into her life and heartmind.
Still, once she does allow a friendship to develop, she bears in mind that any relationship requires continual investments of time, energy, and other resources. She is a good and constant friend, who does not take friendship for granted, or regard it as a cold business relationship. She realizes instead that each friend is a valuable treasure, valuable in and for herself; and the sharing of love between and among friends is the highest expression of nobility, wisdom, and elevated goodness. It is sacred. Always realizing the "treasure" nature of friendship, she will never abuse or betray a friend, but will be loyal, faithful, honest, and sincere.
Seeing others as friends prevents the destructive world-view that one is surrounded by competitors or adversaries. The wise and productive person does not "keep score," and does not engage in useless competition, seeing the self as "pitted against" others, or the world. she seeks cooperation, to see others as a part of her "team," and is sincerely interested in working with them to achieve common goals. As Lao Tzu wrote of the wise, "She does not contend; so no one can contend against her."
Most fighting or contention is useless and unnecessary. The emotionally ill actually believe that even loved ones are secretly conspiring "against" them, and look for "proof" of "betrayal. Deep down, the mentally sick are convinced that no one really loves them, and often reveal this through "passive-aggressive" behavior. Since they never feel truly "worthy" of love, they are convinced that no one ever loves them." The healthy person is just the opposite. She is surrounded by "lovers," or people who love her-- some, like a sister, others like a mother, others like a friend. Unless she has evidence to the contrary, she actually assumes that others love her, for she knows herself to be lovable. All this, however, she manages to do without arrogance. She knows that people are never perfect; gut, unlike the sick, she never takes this fact, or interprets it, personally. Their problems are not caused, she knows, by her. Some people are just not good at friendship.
Also, everyone betrays others periodically, not necessarily because it is desired, planned, or engineered. Most of the time, no malice is even involved. Instead, people betray others simply because they are human. People are bundles of weaknesses, vulnerabilities, uncertainties, and instabilities. They can fairly easily be knocked "off balance." So, the wise and happy practice wide and wise forgiveness. To the illuminated and peaceful, it is a serious mistake to take ANY SINGLE action as a "barometer" of a total person. Also, it is both perilous and ignorant to take any action of another personally, assuming that it is directed against you; this leads to paranoid responses. Anyone, at any time, is capable of a slip-up. And no one has the right to expect anyone else to be perfect. In fact, no one has the right to expect anything from another adult, unless it has been vowed or promised. This is where the opportunity to practice forgiveness gives enormous internal strength, and multiplies happiness.
It is the ability to forgive that allows for happy people to live in peace with others. In fact, happy people are capable of deep, lasting intimacy. The most intimate loves span lifetimes and millennia. Only people with a fair amount of emotional maturity can even share real mind- or soul-intimacy. For immature and ill people are always "in it" for themselves; wise people are in relationship, by contrast, for the good of the other, as well as out of love for themselves. No relationship based on mere ego has any chance of survival. Love, to be intimately lasting, must be mutual, reciprocal, two-way. And while dependence can be a good and positive thing, over- dependence is destructive. "I love you" does and should imply "I need you," but it must mean more than that.
Strongly happy people, then, are high on the commitment-scale. They are never "commitment-phobic." They are not evasive or elusive. They are not always seeking to "slip out the back door," or "untie the knot" of a relationship. They are, in fact, delighted to be "bound" to their lover and beloved, not by shackles, but by bonds of mutual friendship and kindness. The "bond" of love is the key to freedom. A real love-bond does not bind, but liberates. In the same way, a monogamous commitment allows one to maximize one's emotional, psychological, and spiritual resources. For she can then approach others with no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives. In this kind of deep love, the partners value each other more than sexual experiences or sexual experimentation. Their fidelity is part and parcel of their love-intimacy, not to be taken lightly, never to be betrayed. It enormously enriches their lives, and keeps sex sacred. For when shared within a special relationship, sex never degenerates into the merely commonplace, is never trivialized. It is never "casual" or "recreational," for sex was designed to be the one most sacred act of deep communion of which human beings are capable.
Sex is NOT limited out of guilt or fear, but because it so greatly enriches the relationship, and each person. It is such a beautiful expression of the very highest Love-ideal, at its best, that it was actually worshipped in many ancient cultures. It became personified in the lovely forms of Ishtar (Astoreth, Astarte, Ashtar, Easter), Venus, and Aphrodite.
This form of serious, joy-filled mature love implies the maturity to out-grow childish grasping and demanding. Life is not a candy-store, and we are not kids. Instead, the good and happy life implies a certain amount of structure, and structure always implies the imposition of a gentle discipline. ("Discipline" means "learning.")
One thing that must be learned from life is that no one is an "island." We are all, and always, dependent upon each other. Interdependence is not a bad thing, anymore than is dependence, in moderation. So happy people are never afraid to ask for help, support, or advice when they feel it is appropriate. Happy, creative people usually enjoy a bright, positive circle of good, wise, close friends-- people who value intelligence, order, cleanness, peace, wisdom, kindness, compassion, and love. They not only like, but love, these friends, and consider them their real "sisters and brothers" in their "extended family." The closes friend is the love-partner.
Ideally, the happiest people tend to marry their very best friends. This glorious relationship allows the highest and brightest friendship to converge with the most noble and happy love.
The happiest people do not regard sadness, or its expression, as in any way "bad." Instead, they regard it as a natural, normal, even anticipated aspect of the usual "ups and downs" of life on earth. They don't wallow in it, or Stoically avoid it. Either extreme can lead to emotional imbalance or illness. So, when they are sad, they usually will allow themselves to feel it. Nor are they afraid to cry, appropriately. Avoiding harmful self-pity, they will seek out the cause of the sadness, and, if possible, will do whatever is possible to remedy it. But sadness does not always have to have a particular external cause. Sometimes, its energy just builds up in the psyche and needs release. Tears, like sadness, are not seen as "bad," but are welcomed as nature's "pressure-relief valve," to release sadness-energy from the system, so that it does not become internalized and damage the system.
If any member of the family feels sadness, wise and happy people try to be good listeners and advisors. If an issue involves the whole family, then all members will come together to solve the problem. Children will be expected to be not only participatory,, but out-spoken. Children should be seen and heard. They are free to share any honest opinion, but it is the parents, it is made clear, who will make any final decisions, and thus, who will bear the burden of responsibility. The parents should try to present a unified stance, a united front, and should not allow themselves to be divided by the children. (In psychology, the splitting of the family into conflicting parties is called "coalitioning," and is very dangerous and destructive.)
Parents, like members of a couple, should always regard each other as equals. There is no "hierarchy" or "boss" in any sound, healthy relationship; there are only people, friends, interested in the art of good compromise. With a larger family, someone needs to take char