LOVELIGHT

Magazine

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November 2009 *** Vol. 5, no. 11

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Managing Editors: Adamaria Francis and a franciscan taoist

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Great and sincere thanks, and public acknowledgment, to the following contributors to this issue: Barbara Baty, Jim Dwyer, Maureen Dwyer, Mick Gallagher, Sandi Grubb, Steven McDaniel, Ty Scharrer, CherigeneSlaughter

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Sorry this issue is so late – but we still love ya’ J

 

LOVELIGHT MAGAZINE: WHAT WE'RE ALL ABOUT

Lovelight magazine is free, coming to your inboxscreen monthly, to announce the beauty of Love! And we love to laugh!:) So, if you discover any good chuckles, please send them along!:) But no bigoted, prejudiced, scatological, geruntological, low-quality, or poor-taste humor, please.

Still, life is not all laughs. So, we hope also to share pleasant and happy thoughts. Lovelight wants to promote peace and harmony, all over the world, and to aid you to feel good!:) If you are working on any religious, psychological, or spiritual issues, we encourage you to read the ezine, and to write to us at rmfrancis@juno.com

Also, if you come across any wise or touching pieces, not copyrighted, fairly short, please share them with us! Also welcome are practical tips, short pieces on personal philosophies, interesting facts, wordplays, and general spirituality (but no religion or "preachy" dogma, please.:). We reserve the right to make whatever changes we deem necessary or desirable before inclusion in Lovelight.

A subscription is free. As a subscriber, your email name/address will not be shared. Please share, send, or copy, this magazine, or any parts of it. Share it as widely as possible, with all your friends, and all others. Please use it on your websites and bulletinboards. Please photocopy, email, or snailmail any parts of it to others. Also, please have friends send us their emailaddresses and subscribe. Subscriptions are free.

This is "light" reading. And it is also great, fun reading. A collection of magazines is produced once a year, in a single paperback book. We have published three volumes, and this would make a sweet gift for a loved one. Happy reading!:)

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GASPING LAUGHS: HUMORTHERAPY

PUN-ISHMENT, sent in by Jim Dwyer.   This is the Washington Post's "Annual Mensa Invitational" which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit) Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things those are good for you. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating. ***

 

DEAF WIFE, sent in by Jim Dwyer

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing well and he thought she might need a hearing aid. But he was not quite sure how to approach her; so, he called the family doctor. The Doc told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform. Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asked, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response. So the husband moved closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from
his wife and repeated, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he was about 20 feet from his wife
and asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he got no response.
So, he walked up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there was no response. So he walked up directly behind her, almost touching her, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
“She replied, “Paul, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!"

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WHY I fired my secretary, sent in by Mick Gallagher

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very good waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast, hoping that my wife would be pleasant and say,
“Happy Birthday!”  And possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.”

I thought, Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids-- They will remember.

My kids came bounding downstairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and hat despondent feelings.

As I walked into my office, my secretary said, “Good Morning Boss,
and by the way, Happy Birthday!” It felt a little better that at least someone

had remembered. I worked until one o’clock, when she knocked on my door

and said, “You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday,

what you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me?”

I said, “Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go!” We went to lunch, but we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way

back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need

to go straight back to the office,
Do We?”

I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?”
She said, “Let's drop by my apartment; it's just around the corner.” After

arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don't mind, I'm

going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.”

“Ok,” I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of

minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake, and followed by my wife,

my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday.” And

I just sat there on the couch, naked.

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CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS", sent in by Barb Baty

1. The  fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. 
He acquired his size from too much Pi.***2.  I thought I saw an eye doctor on an

Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.***3.  She was only a

whiskey maker, but he loved her still.***4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated

from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.***5. The butcher

backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.***6. No matter how

much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.***7. A dog gave birth to puppies

near the road and was cited for littering.***8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in

France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.***9. Two silk worms had a race.  They

ended up in a tie.***10. Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.***11. A

hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.***12. Atheism

is a non-prophet organization.***13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack.  One said,

"You stay here; I'll go on a head.”***14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. 

Then it hit me.***15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass.”***16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. 
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said,
"No change yet.”***17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.***18. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.***19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.***20. A backward poet writes inverse.***21. In democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes.***22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.***23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!***24. Two flies were arguing on a toilet seat. 
One got pissed off.

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A TALE OF CONFUSION, sent in by Barbara Baty

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junkmail in the garbage can, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I might as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking. I push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. It is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator. A vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye; they need water. I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my readinglasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk. But first, water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water, and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs; I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed; the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter; the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

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JEFF FOXWORTHY ON OHIO, sent in by Jim Dwyer

All I have to say is "Go Bucks!”

You might be from Ohio (pronounced O-hi-uh), if: You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange***You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.***You live less than 30 miles from some college or university***You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for   candied ones***"Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means   "south"***You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as  soon as they open their mouths***You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in
Cincinnati***"Vacation! " means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and
deer hunting in the fall***You measure distance in minutes***Your school classes were canceled because of cold***You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day***You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July***You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. For example: "Where's my coat at?"***You install security lights on your house and garage and leave  both unlocked***You think of the major four food groups as corn, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows***You carry jumper cables in your car***You know what 'pop' is***You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit***Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. (Amen!)***You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown***The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for sports***If you actually get these jokes -- then forward 'em to your Ohioan friends!

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LOVE UNITES ANIMAL-STRANGERS, sent in by Sandi Grubb

The Jesusita Fire in Santa Barbara, CA  this year caused these two to take shelter together. The fawn is about 3 days old and the bobcat about 3 weeks. They immediately bonded and snuggled together under a desk in the  Santa Barbara  County Dispatch Office for several hours. “Animal Planet” is reporting the bobcat kitten was rescued near [a] ranch, where it was dehydrated and near death. They rescued the fawn during the wildfire. Although wild animals,
especially of separate species, are never placed together due to regulations, in this emergency situation, they had no choice. During the mayhem of the fire, they were forced to put animals anywhere they could, since they had run out of crates large enough for the fawn. The kitten
ran to the fawn, and it was instant bonding.

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CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, sent in by Ty Scharrer

 

Yesterday was a national holiday in the United States where we honored Christopher Columbus. What is the real truth about Columbus Here it is!:?

 

1. Columbus never landed on the North American continent although he made four trips from Spain.***2. Columbus landed in Haiti, where he returned and established a colony during his second voyage.***3. He and the Colonists were brutal to the native peoples (who Columbus called "Indians" because the idiot thought he was in Asia.)*** 4. Columbus became the prime ruler of the island and was hated by everyone because of his cruelty.***5. The fourth voyage of Columbus ended back in Haiti where he was forbidden to land because everyone on the island hated him.  He continued his voyage to Panama where he landed in Central America.  Columbus refused to walk across Panama where he would have found the Pacific Ocean.  Columbus thought the Indian Ocean was the other side of Panama and feared walking across Panama. Columbus and his crew left Panama and eventually was stranded on another island close to Haiti. I believe he died there in 1512, and old, hated man still seeking his fortune.  About a hundred of his crewmen were rescued and returned to Haiti where many stayed, never to return to Spain. Now you know the real story.  Why do we honor Columbus?  Beats me.

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BACK IN MY ARMS: A PUPPY STORY, sent in by Cheri Slaughter

 

Following by Jacquelyn Ligon

    Two years ago Mocha came into my life. She is a 7 pound Chihuahua/Pomeranian

mix and the best friend a girl could ask for.  From the first moment I met her she jumped

into my arms and has been by my side ever since.
    My constant companion, we watch TV snuggled on the couch, take long walks together,

and no matter where I am in the house, she is there too. We are completely in tune with each other's feelings and moods.  She gives me extra attention when I'm sad and extra tail wags when I'm happy.
    We have not spent more than a few hours away from each other and now I was going away for three days and couldn't take her.  I was in desperate need of a vacation so my boyfriend and I decided to spend a weekend at Lake Tahoe.  I was excited about the trip but also anxious
about where to put Mocha while I was gone.
    I thought about asking a friend to keep her but Mocha is a typical Chihuahua and very nervous.  And when she gets too nervous, she pees herself.  I didn't want to make my friend have to clean up after her. So I made the decision to find a doggie hotel to put her in.
    I searched the Internet for a good place to board her while I was gone.  I found the perfect place:  Large separate rooms for each dog (no kennels) and days spent in doggie daycare.  It was perfect and I booked the room.
    The morning of my vacation I gathered up Mocha's bed, toys, and food; and [I] headed to the pet hotel.  I grew more anxious the closer I got. What if the staff wasn't nice?  What if Mocha was scared?  What if another dog attacked her?  I tried to squish my own fears and reassure Mocha that everything would be all right and that we would only be separated
for a short time.
    We arrived at the pet hotel and went inside.  Mocha was already nervous.  She started panting heavily and stayed as close to me as she could.  I tried to remain calm but I'm sure my own tension was rubbing off on her.
    We brought Mocha up to her room and got her settled in – then I took off as quickly as possible.  I knew lingering would only make the parting even harder.  I got back to the house and could feel the loneliness pressing in.  It would still be a couple of hours before we left; and the house felt so empty without her.
    I enjoyed my three days in Tahoe but couldn't wait until I got my Mocha back.  As we headed home all I could think about was my dog. The hour drive seemed to take days.  Finally, we arrived at the pet hotel.
    I ran inside and told them I was there to pick up Mocha. Unfortunately, I had to wait as they gathered up the dogs for another woman already waiting.  I walked backed outside and peered into the window of the small dog daycare.  There was my Mocha, wagging her
tail and romping around the room.  She was having a blast.
    I walked back inside and the woman came out carrying Mocha. She jumped into my arms just like the day we met.
    I had my dog back.  I've been reading that with a little extra work, your dog can travel with you where ever you go.  From buses to airplanes to pet friendly hotels, more and more places are allowing you to bring your beloved dog.
    My boyfriend and I are planning an extended trip to Italy.
I wonder if Mocha likes Italian?

                    
LOSING MY RELIGION FOR EQUALITY, sent in by Barbara Baty

 

Losing my religion for equality, by Jimmy Carter

Women and girls have been discriminated against for too long in a twisted interpretation of the word of God. I HAVE been a practicing Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith is a source of strength and comfort to me, as religious beliefs are to hundreds of millions of people around the world. So my decision to sever my ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, after six decades, was painful and difficult. It was, however, an unavoidable decision when the convention's leaders, quoting a few carefully selected Bible verses and claiming that Eve was created second to Adam and was responsible for original sin, ordained that women must be "subservient" to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors or chaplains in the military service.

This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths. Nor, tragically, does its influence stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue or temple. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation [and abuse] of women's equal rights across the world for centuries.

At its most repugnant, the belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men excuses slavery, violence, forced prostitution, genital mutilation and national laws that omit rape as a crime. But it also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair access to education, health, employment and influence within their own communities.

The impact of these religious beliefs touches every aspect of our lives. They help explain why in many countries boys are educated before girls; why girls are told when and whom they must marry; and why many face enormous and unacceptable risks in pregnancy and childbirth because their basic health needs are not met.

In some Islamic nations, women are restricted in their movements, punished for permitting the exposure of an arm or ankle, deprived of education, prohibited from driving a car or competing with men for a job. If a woman is raped, she is often most severely [shamefully and ignorantly] punished as the guilty party in the crime.

The same discriminatory thinking lies behind the continuing gender gap in pay and why there are still so few women in office in the West. The root of this prejudice lies deep in our histories, but its impact is felt every day. It is not women and girls alone who suffer. It damages all of us. The evidence shows that investing in women and girls delivers major benefits for society. An educated woman has healthier children. She is more likely to send them to school. She earns more and invests what she earns in her family.

It is simply self-defeating for any community to discriminate against half its population. We need to challenge these self-serving and outdated attitudes and practices-- as we are seeing in Iran where women are at the forefront of the battle for democracy and freedom.

I understand, however, why many political leaders can be reluctant about stepping into this minefield. Religion, and tradition, are powerful and sensitive areas to challenge. But my fellow Elders and I, who come from many faiths and backgrounds, no longer need to worry about winning votes or avoiding controversy-- and we are deeply committed to challenging injustice wherever we see it.

[The Elders are an independent group of eminent global leaders, brought together by former South African president Nelson Mandela, who offer their influence and experience to support peace building, help address major causes of human suffering and promote the shared interests of humanity.] We have decided to draw particular attention to the responsibility of religious and traditional leaders in ensuring equality and human rights and have recently published a statement that declares: "The justification of discrimination against women and girls on grounds of religion or tradition, as if it were prescribed by a Higher Authority, is unacceptable."

We are calling on all leaders to challenge and change the harmful teachings and practices, no matter how ingrained, which justify discrimination against women. We ask, in particular, that leaders of all religions have the courage to acknowledge and emphasize the positive messages of dignity and equality that all the world's major faiths share.

The carefully selected verses found in the Holy Scriptures to justify the superiority of men owe more to time and place-- and the determination of male leaders to hold onto their influence-- than eternal truths. Similar biblical excerpts could be found to support the approval of slavery and the timid acquiescence to oppressive rulers.

I am also familiar with vivid descriptions in the same Scriptures in which women are revered as pre-eminent leaders. During the years of the early Christian church women served as deacons, priests, bishops, apostles, teachers and prophets. It wasn't until the fourth century that dominant Christian leaders, all men, twisted and distorted Holy Scriptures to perpetuate their ascendant positions within the religious hierarchy.

The truth is that male religious leaders have had-- and still have-- an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter. Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world. This is in clear violation not just of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights but also the teachings of Jesus Christ, the Apostle Paul, Moses and the prophets, Muhammad, and founders of other great religions - all of whom have called for proper and equitable treatment of all the children of God. It is time we had the courage to challenge these views.

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Jimmy Carter was president of the United States from 1977 to 1981.

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NICE STORY: THE PRESENCE, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, sent in by Jim Dwyer

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of Passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until

the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone.
Once he survives the night, he is a MAN. He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man. Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, God is watching over us,
Sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, All we have to do is reach out to Him.
Moral of the story: Just because you can't see God, Doesn't mean He is not there.
For we walk by faith, not by sight If you liked this story, pass it on.
If not, you took off your blindfold before dawn.

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THE SEED, sent in by Jim Dwyer

 

A successful businessman was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together. He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. " The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one
of you a SEED today - one very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.”

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Every day, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil. He so wanted the seed to grow! A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company
brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right.

He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him. When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!” All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!” When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed. Jim told him the story. The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said. Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it,
and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead; it was not possible for them to grow. All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and
flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with
my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"

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If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

If you plant hard work, you will reap success

If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

If you plant faith in God, you will reap a harvest

So, be careful what you plant now;
it will determine what you will reap later.

"Whatever you give to life, life gives you back."

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WARNING SIGNS OF GROWING FASCISM, sent in by Barbara Baty

This reads like the Bush/Cheney check list

 

- Powerful and continuing nationalism

- Disdain for human rights

- Identification of enemies as a unifying cause

- Supremacy of the military

- Rampant sexism

- Controlled mass media

- Obsession with national security

- Religion and government intertwined

- Corporate power protected

- Labor power suppressed

- Disdain for intellectuals  & the arts

- Obsession with crime & punishment

- Rampant cronyism & corruption

- Fraudulent elections

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FOODPREP, CLEANUP, AND OTHER GOOD STUFF: PRACTICAL TIPS, sent in by Jim Dwyer

 

DID  YOU KNOW?
   
Peel a banana from the bottom  and you won't have to pick the little 'stringy things' off it. That's how  the primates do it. Take your bananas  apart. If you leave them connected at the stem, they  ripen faster.***Store your opened chunks  of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not  mold!***Peppers with 3 bumps on the  bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 are  firmer and better for cooking.***To really make scrambled  eggs or omelets rich , add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy  cream; then beat them.***Add garlic  immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if you want a stronger taste of garlic.***Reheat  Pizza: Heat leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on  top of the stove; set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the  crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the food channel and it really works.

Easy  Deviled Eggs   Put cooked egg yolks in a  zip lock bag. Seal; mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of  ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of  the baggy; squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done - easy  cleanup.**Reheating  refrigerated bread: To warm biscuits,  pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in  a microwave next to a cup of water. The  increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.***Newspaper  weeds away Start putting torn newspaper in your plants,  work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers, put layers around the  plants, overlapping as you go; cover with mulch and forget about weeds.  Weeds will get through some gardening plastic; they will not  get through wet newspapers.***Use a wet cotton ball or  Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see  easily.***Flexible  vacuum To get something out of a heat register or  under the fridge, add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It  can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.***Reducing  Static Cling Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your  slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that  cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and ta da!  Static is gone.***Measuring  Cups Before you pour sticky substances into a  measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry  cup. Next, add your ingredient (peanut butter, honey, etc.) and watch how  easily it comes right out.***Foggy  Windshield? Hate foggy windshields?  Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of  your car When the windows fog, rub with  the eraser! Works better than a cloth.***Reopening  envelope If you seal an envelope and then realize you  forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the  freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily ***Conditioner  Use your hair  conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream  and leaves your legs really  smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you  bought but didn't like when you tried  it in your hair.***Goodbye  Fruit Flies To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a  small glass, fill it 1/2 with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish  washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to  the cup and gone  forever!***Get  Rid of Ants  Put small piles of  cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it 'home, can't  digest it so it kills them. It might take  a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don't have the worry about pets or small  children being harmed!***INFO  ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS   The heating unit went out on my  dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the house for us told us that he wanted to show us  something and he went over to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was  clean. (I always clean the lint from the filter after every load of  clothes.) He took the filter  over to the sink and ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of  a mesh material . I'm sure  you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like. Well ....  the hot water just sat on top of the  mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets  cause a film over that mesh - that's what burns out the heating  unit. You can't  SEE  the film, but it's there. It's what is in the dryer sheets to make your  clothes soft and static free. You know how they can feel waxy when you  take them out of the box. Well, this stuff builds up on your  clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what  causes dryer units to potentially burn your house down with it! He said  the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long  time (and to keep your electric bill  lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an  old toothbrush  at least every six  months. He said that increases the life of the dryer at least twice as long! Note:  I went to my dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water  ran through a little bit but mostly collected all  the water in the mesh screen. I washed it with warm soapy water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds. Then when I rinsed it . The water ran right through the screen! There wasn't any puddling at all! That repairman knew  what he was talking about!   ***** *****     ASPIRIN, sent in by Jim Dwyer   If you take an aspirin or a baby aspirin once a day, take it at night. The reason is aspirin has a 24-hour "half-life". Therefore, if most heart attacks happen in the wee hours of the morning, the aspirin would be strongest in your system.   FYI, aspirin lasts a really long time in your medicine chest-- years (when it gets old, it smells like vinegar.)   WHY ASPIRIN BY YOUR BED save lives.. It is important to always have ASPIRIN in the home!!!  There are other symptoms of a heart attack besides the pain on the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.   NOTE : There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack. The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain might wake you up from your deep sleep. If that happens, IMMEDIATELY DISSOLVE TWO ASPIRINS IN YOUR MOUTH and swallow them with a bit of water. Afterwards, phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by and state "HEART ATTACK!!!" and that you have taken 2 aspirins. Take a seat on a chair or sofa and wait for their arrival and .... DO NOT LIE DOWN !!!  A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after receiving this e-mail, sends it to 10 people, probably a life can be saved!  I have already shared the information!!! What about you? Forward this message. IT might SAVE lives!! ****** ****

HIPPO AND TURTLE, sent in by Mick Gallagher

NAIROBI ( AFP ) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said. The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down the Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean , then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him. “It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother',” ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of  Lafarge   Park , told AFP. ”After it was swept away and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together,” the ecologist added. “The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it followed its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother,” Kahumbu added. “The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years,” he explained. *** “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” This is a real story that shows that our differences don't matter much when we need the comfort of another. We could all learn a lesson from these two creatures of God, 'Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together.' Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate. ****  ****   Finding God Through Love, sent in by Steven McDaniel   .O'Donohue was a fine soul who wrote some very lovely books, a very eloquent writer and lover of God, a writer for writers actually, He died suddenly last year.   "Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving toward the summit of fulfillment." — John O'Donohue  (1956-2008)

 

This is an excerpt from Journey to the Center of the Soul

 

Chapter 1/Inner Excellence and Splendor:

Universal Love As Spirituality

 

"Spooky" is how some regard spirituality. Weird or bizarre are their ignorant visions of it. It carries the baggage of eccentricity, if not nuttiness. And, historically, there have lived some true lunatics who claim to have embraced it. Does it follow, then, that all spiritual people were, or are, flakes?

The average person, especially among older, more conservative types, might tend to think so. They mock, flee from, and often vitriolically damn, anything having to do with "new age" spirituality, for one example. Indeed, some of these ideas reflect the Dark Ages. (And a high percentage of "new age" teaching is nonsense.) It scares the hell out of fundamentalists.

But spirituality is not synonymous with "new age." Much "new age" stuff is truly spiritual. But all new age ideas are not. Much absurdity, in fact, passes under the term new age.

These absurdities, cults, and fantasies include ludicrous gurus, extraterrestrials, extradimensionals, assorted spirits and spooks, and related imagination-enriched phenomena. Formerly, these were limited to wild-eyed, fanatical fringegroups, those suffering from obvious mental and emotional disorders. But the "new new age" claims a more mainstream status. It is an unconventional, sometimes "twilight zone," grabag. It is full of a wide spectrum of worldviews, ranging from the believable to the bizarre.

The middle-aged woman calls herself Jennifer Rene. She has quite a fabulous reputation, and will do anything—including the immoral, illegal, and obscene—to keep it. People see her as a mistress of wisdom, mistress of space and time, filled with ancient secret knowledge. Her critics agree that she is "full of it." But thousands look to her for guidance in every area of life. She is a "channeler." In spurts of really bad acting, she claims to become a temporary incarnation of an invisible "higher entity," who is an "enlightened master" of some kind.

Some even see her as the "perfect parent," and in their lives, she replaces psychologist, parent, and pastor. For others, as a "psychic" herbalist, she replaces even physician.

She shrugs off the danger here, as in other parts of her dubious "career," claiming only to follow her "spirit guides." She does public demonstrations of her "psychic powers," and charges crowds small fortunes for the privilege of watching her in action. She dresses in a purple robe and turban, and sports exotic jewelry that is esoteric and mind-shatteringly expensive.

Whenever she gets half a chance, she "channels" beings ("entities") from beyond. This whole act consists of nothing but throwing back her head, and screeching in comical voices, blabbing and meandering aimlessly about lost civilizations, distant planets, crystals, energies, and "mystical" secrets. But the crowd doesn't laugh. Instead, it is overcome with a look of glassy-eyed awe and reverence. The whole scene is like something out of a “b” flick, or comic book.

When she was young, Jennifer Rene was truly gifted. But she saw a chance to get rich quick—and famous, to boot. So, she started charging outrageously for her "work," and soon found that gullible, desperate fools would pay just about anything to "talk to" the dead, extradimensionals (usually angels), extraterrestrials, or, if you had enough money, even God! After decades of fraud, she has now lost all psychic ability, even as the ancient esoteric writings warned would happen to anyone who sold what nature gave freely.

Now, she is rich and famous, but hates herself. Deep down, she believes that no one can love her. She also despises the gullible fools who come to her—childlike, lemming-like—seeking guidance. They can never get enough, and have drained her of all compassion. She despises their greedy little needs, and mocks them for worshipping her. She describes her most loyal followers as "needy, greedy, and creepy." But she says all this only to herself. Despite her "show biz spirituality," there is not a micropsychon of genuine spirituality in her whole being.

Spirituality is not the study of exotic cults or esoteric books, or those of "channelers." Well over ninety percent of this stuff has nothing to do with real spirituality. It is obvious fraud.

Religion has not fared much better. Ideally, it was supposed to be the loyal handmaiden of spirituality. But historically, this has almost never been so. The world's great faiths do partially reflect the spiritual. Aspects of Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Taoism, nature-faiths, and others are spiritual. But far too many other aspects and activities of religion have proved unspiritual.

Spirituality is much simpler than religion, being what you do inside, while religion is what you do on the outside.

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Spirituality is the active practice of Love.

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Religion might impress others, but spirituality changes thoughtpatterns, and thus behaviors. Religion is attending meetings, singing songs, selling for the religion, giving donations, Bible-study, public prayers, etc. Any fool or hypocrite can do all this. But there is one action that a fool/hypocrite can't do because if she did this, she would no longer be a fool/hypocrite. That is Love.

But many people, burned by religion, suffer from “pneumophobia” (terror of the spiritual). Lunacy and psychosis have indeed historically manifested, quite often, under the banner of religion. This has left a bad taste.

It’s bad taste to discuss spiritual issues. “I don’t talk about religion or politics,” say many average people—proudly. But we need to wake up. It’s the twenty-first century. We now hear, every day, public discussions on sexual practices and abuse, and a wide spectrum of other sexual issues. We can now talk about illness, often in excruciating and repellant detail, and about death. Political debate—too much of it simple rubbish—fills the airwaves of an often-mindless talkradio.

Spirituality is the final frontier of prohibition. It is time to blow the lid off this nonsense. For it is the very absence of healthy spirituality that has driven our civilization to the brink of ultimate annihilation. It is only because of a core of redeeming spirituality that we have not destroyed the planet in nuclear holocaust, or through ecological Armageddon.

We can be open about everything else, and it's far past time that we broke the taboo against spirituality. Heaven knows that we, as a culture, are glutted, often sickened, by so much unnecessary religion! Now, we need to join hands, and to go lightyears further! Let us, then, fearlessly approach this forbidden final frontier in fairness and freedom.

So, let's talk. Let's discuss spiritual ideas. It is time that "closet spiritual people" (the word "Spiritualists" refers to members of a specific religion) reveal themselves. We can, and should, do so with joy and honesty.

The author is not a religious man, and is not ashamed to say so. Nor is it a matter of pride. It is just a fact. But some of the greatest spiritual people of history were not "religious." And some were not even "respectable."

Jesus springs to mind as the most influential spiritual person in the history of the Western world. It is a common, but ignorant, error to assume that Jesus was a practicing religious Jew. He was never respected by their leaders, and never appointed by the Jewish synagogue as a teacher, elder, or rabbi. The governing body never appointed him as an elder. The Greek Scriptures ("New Testament") do not support the facile and shallow assumption that he was "respectable." Jesus was formally and starkly rejected by the official Jewish organization and hierarchy. Indeed, it was they who used the Romans to engineer his murder. His earliest followers, despite being, like him, genetically, geographically, and culturally Jewish, were also despised with a passion by the Jewish religious community.

Jesus' teachings were regarded by most orthodox Jews as dangerous, if not demonic. He was seen as a rebel and a renegade, universally regarded as a lunatic, heretic, or demoniac. Accused of having abandoned the path of the "forefathers," he terrified and scandalized the official organization of Jehovah's "appointed elders."

I am not antiSemitic. People are not responsible for the behaviors of their ancestors. I'm certain that my own ancestors, somewhere in history, were guilty of a wide range of equally execrable behaviors. My only point is that Jesus was not warmly embraced by the official Jewish order of his day. Jesus was not religiously Jewish. The "religious and respectable" components of Jewish society saw him as evil, a threat to their "theocratic organization," and even accused him of being possessed by Beelzebub—one of the ancient names for their devil. The Christian Greek Scriptures continually portray the Jewish leaders as the opponents, adversaries, and nemeses of Jesus and the early Christians. It must be emphasized again, however, that this never gives any modern person the right to reject, judge, or hate any modern Jew. For God has welcomed into the "kingdom of Light" people of all backgrounds and religions. To say otherwise is simple bigotry. And bigotry is densest darkness, abysmal ignorance.

Still, we must use great caution not to go too far in the other direction: For the fantasy that early Christianity was some kind of friendly Jewish offshoot, a denomination or variety of Judaism, is also a total misconception. Christianity was pacific, but never to the point of religious compromise with its enemies. The bitter struggles between "Judaizers" and apostles in the early church plays out as a violent polarization between the two faiths. ("Judaizers" were men who wanted to continue Jewish traditions within Christianity, and were soundly defeated by the apostle Paul and others.)

More startling, Jesus was not a Christian. He could not have been. For the word "Christian" was not even invented until after his death.

A gigantic paradox: This man was not a religious Jew, or a Christian. What, then, was he? He was a human being. He was a man who had touched Something dynamically "divine." He was an ultraspiritual man. Jesus, being complex and highly enlightened, fits no easy social categories. But he did have something of an aversion to religion, his bitterest nemesis. Indeed, ever since, religion has rarely improved things. Still, let us not go to dangerous extremes. Let's not portray all religion as "evil." We must remember not only how religion has constructed orphanages, hospitals, and libraries, but the countless warm, giving, tender, and compassionate people who have arisen from the ranks of the religious. Many powerfully enlightened mysticsages arose within religion.

Still, in the retrospective twenty-twenty vision of historical hindsight, some of the value of religion evaporates. Religion divides people, and has hurt at least as many as it has helped. It has been misused to support the most hideous and horrific genocides and atrocities. It has justified racism. It has been the matrix of superiorism, selfrighteousness, and incredible arrogance.

Wherever and whenever it appeared, religion divided people, often into vicious warring camps. Few religions have practiced even a modicum of tolerance towards other religions. In overview, religion might be history's worst idea.

But spirituality is its best. And where the two have overlapped, religious people have been the instruments for incalculable good. But by stunning contrast with divisive religion, wherever spirituality has blossomed, people have dropped religious, racial, and political hatreds and biases. They have joined hands in sweet harmony.

The problems arise when religion is not spiritual. It far too often supports a destructive "us versus them" psychology: Only a certain church has an "in" with God. This god is like a petulant little brat. He ( and "He" is always male) deigns to speak with only members of a particular religion. This is because it is the "right" religion. It has figured out God and cosmos, understands and knows everything, and only its official views are right.

As bigoted as they can be, few religionists claim that God actually is a Catholic or a Jehovah's Witness. Even they know how absurd this claim would sound. It would make them look like lunatics. But the members of divisive, hurtful churches and cults imply that God is indeed such a member. He/She is the ultimate leader of their group only.

So, they theorize a limited God—the world's greatest oxymoron.

The "ultrarighteous" but demonic and arrogant churchleaders who burned people alive for "sin" had not a micropsychon of true spirituality. For it always results in bright thought-metamorphosis

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Deep and permanent, spirituality transforms your entire mind into the likeness of luminous Love.

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Chapter 2/ Love as Passionate Obsession: Mysticism

***

 

A thousand-carat emerald, glowing at the center of the heart. This is a metaphor, representing the jewel at the center of all life. For her who discovers this "gem of great price," the rest of the entire world seems like a trivial shriveled toadstool, like dust blowing away. So, abandoning all greed and all quests for fame or power, spiritual people have focused like a laser upon the attainment of the highest state of Superconsciousness—Love.

These luminous people pursue a magnificent obsession. The ultimate humility is to disappear without a trace into the great cosmic Flow of Love (Coremind or Lovemind,in the Unconscious).

The passion to know this Absolute is so fiery that these unique people wanted not only to understand It, but to be filled with It, to become a part of this Absolute. So, they redefined the word "Self." They decided that this word did not apply simply to the "self" of family, society, and world. Instead, that small self was defined as "ego"—only an insignificant part of a higher (more literally, deeper) Self.

So, the self that you take to the grocery store, office, factory, or job is only the "ego." This is only the social self, but a small part or segment of a larger spiritual Self. Since it is defined by looking in the mirror of others' eyes, psychologists have dubbed the ego the "lookinglass self." But it is not everything that you are. Instead, the mystical perspective states there is a much greater, smarter, wiser Mind only pretending to be this egoself. It is in your unconscious Mind. It is playing a role. But like an actress on stage, It is not just this role. This deeper Self is the Actress behind the egomask. This other, deeper, truer "Self" is the soul. In this work, we will be using the phrase "deeper Self" to refer to the common "higher Self." (Both terms are correct, and refer to the same Mindlevels. These are collectively the “soul.”)

The soul possesses startling clarity, bright understanding, and brilliant, vast memory. At some level, this soul merges with the deepest Spirit, Core-mind, Love-mind, the Absolute. (See "Chart of Mind," at the beginning of this book.) When this Spirit is holy, it is called "Holy Spirit," one of the names for God.

Mystics defined "God" as Love. But they also defined this Absolute as the deepest level of the collective unconscious, the very Core of Mind. It is "cosmic Mind," and unifies creation into a single dream. This dream "exteriorizes”.

Mystics never saw this Absolute as external. Instead, they spoke of "indwelling holy Spirit," or "God within." Ultimate Reality, they said, was "in the heart." This Core-mind or nuclear Mind they defined as the Lovemind.

Mystics were the most excellent and brightest luminaries among all earth's spiritual populations. But mysticism was never a religion. It was/is a worldview that appeared interculturally, in all faiths, in all centuries. It was discovered, and rediscovered, by Egyptians, Babylonians, Hebrews, Persians, and all other ancient peoples. It was also touched by Buddhists, Hindus, Taoists, Greeks, Romans, shamans in nature-religions, Jews, Christians, and Sufis.

The word "mysticism" has been seriously abused and misused, even by scholars and journalists, who should know better. Just because a worldview is unusual, paranormal, psychic, or just bizarre, the use of the adjective "mystical" is not justified. Nor is every psychic, guru, flake, or cult-leader correctly labeled a "mystic." Just because her teachings are scatter-brained, unscientific, or quirky, does not make her a mystic.

"Mysticism" has a crystalclear historic and academic definition. It is the philosophy of "entheognosis," the idea that “knowing” of ultimate Reality is within the Mind. God is inside the mind. So, Mysticism deserves a place of solid respect, not the throw-away status of dishonor to which it has currently been relegated.

A mystic is identified by three characteristics: 1) She discovers the Absolute ("God/Goddess") inside her heartmind, 2) "God" she redefines as Love, abandoning the ancient childish myth of a "big daddy in the sky," and 3) she embraces the goal of evolving into a clear, dustfree "mirror," and later, an embodiment, of the Loveprinciple.

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