LOVELIGHT
magazine
*******
August 2005***Vol. 2, no. 8
*******
General managers: Adamaria Francis and Richard Shining
Thunder Francis. Contributors to
this issue: Christine Finer, Mick
Gallagher Pat Goodman, Sandi Grubb, Teresa Ramsey, Ty Scharrer, Karleen Sell,
Geoffrey Stoermer, Heather Wiggins
*******
*******
A
DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN, sent in by
Teresa Ramsey
Joe gets up and fills his
coffeepot with water. The water is
clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality
standards. With his first swallow,
he takes his daily medications. They are safe because some stupid
commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and to make sure that they work as
advertised. All but $10 of his
medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal
union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance. Now, Joe gets medical benefits too.
He prepares his morning breakfast-- bacon
and eggs. Joe's bacon is
relatively safe to
eat because some girly-man liberal
fought for laws to regulate the meatpacking industry.
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his
shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled
with each ingredient and its amount because some crybaby liberal fought for his
right to know what he was putting on his body.
Joe dresses, walks outside, and takes a
deep breath. The air that he
breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the
laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway
station for his government-subsidized ride to work.
It saves him considerable money in parking
and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable
public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his workday. He has a job with excellent pay,
medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards
because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes
unemployed, he'll get a worker’s compensation or unemployment check because
some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his
temporary misfortune.
It is noontime, and Joe needs to make a
bank deposit so he can pay some bills.
Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal
wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers like those who ruined
the banking system before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten
mortgage and his below-market
federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided
that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned
more money over his lifetime. Joe
also forgets that, in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he
attended a state-funded university.
Later, Joe gets home from work. He plans to visit his father this
evening at his farm home in the country.
He gets in his car for the drive.
His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating
liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded
roads.
He arrives at his boyhood home. His was
the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home
Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until
some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded
rural electrification. He is happy
to see his father, who is now retired.
His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some
wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so
Joe
wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride
home, and turns on an AM radio talk
show. The radio
host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved
Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys
throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those
big-government liberals ruining our lives!
“After all,” he says smugly to
himself, “I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of
himself, just like I have."
*****
*****
WHEN THE RIGHT IS WRONG, sent in
by Karleen Sell
Last night I wrote about “how
the Islamic crazies are like the Right" to hammer home how fundamentalist
Islam has more in common with the radical religious right,... than it does with
the American Left. This is a key
point-- it was easier for the Right to tie the American Left with our previous
bogeyman, the communists.... But today, things look quite different.... Here
are more similarities, as submitted by readers:
Foreign Policy: Al Qaida/Taliban:
World domination - do it our way or we attack
American Right: World domination - do it our way or we
attack
Liberals: Peace and international cooperation.
***
Executing Minors: Al
Qaida/Taliban: Executing Minors OK
American Right: Executing Minors OK
Liberals: a barbaric and embarrassing practice.
***
Pop Culture: Al Qaida/Taliban:
Hate it, kill it.
American Right: Hate it, ban it.
Liberals: Laugh at it, boycott it.
***
Self-image: Al Qaida/Taliban:
Belief in their own infallibility
American Right: Belief in their own infallibility
Liberals: Willingness to consider other viewpoints.
***
God: Al Qaida/Taliban: God is on
our side and will help us kill our enemies
American Right: God is on our side and will help us kill our
enemies
Liberals: God will not help us kill anyone.
***
Stem Cell Research: Al
Qaida/Taliban: No Stem cell research
American Right: No Stem cell research
Liberals: Stem cell research, the more, and the sooner, the
better!
***
Main Leader: Al Qaida/Taliban: God
chose Osama Bin Laden to defeat the Great Satan
American Right: God chose George W. Bush to lead us
Liberals: God didn't choose anyone.
***
Use of Force: Al Qaida/Taliban: As
a means of propagating a world view
American Right: As a means of propagating a world view
Liberals: Reticently, and only as a last resort.
***
War in Iraq: Al Qaida/Taliban:
Love it!
American Right: Love it!
Liberals: It's a very sad disaster, waste of the lives of
American girls and boys, murdered thousands for greed.
***
Press: Al Qaida/Taliban: Control
of the Press
American Right: Manipulation of the Press
Liberals: Freedom of the Press.
***
Free Speech: Al Qaida/Taliban: Anyone who disagrees
with us is an infidel and must be silenced
American Right: Anyone who disagrees with us is a traitor
and must be silenced
Liberals: Anyone who disagrees with us is in for a spirited
discussion!
***
Individuals: Al Qaida/Taliban:
Conform or else
American Right: Conform or else
Liberals: Embrace and celebrate diversity!
***
Cooperation: Al Qaida/Taliban:
You're either with us or against us
American Right: You're either with us or against us
Liberals: We're all in this together!
***
Tolerance: Al Qaida/Taliban: Death
to the infidels
American Right: Kill the leaders, and convert the people to
Christianity
Liberals: Live and let live!
***
Conscience: Al Qaida/Taliban:
Obedience to authority
American Right: Obedience to authority
Liberals: Critical reflection
***
Origins: Al Qaida/Taliban: Universe and man created 6,000 years ago
by God
American Right: Universe and man created 6,000 years ago by
God
Liberals: The Universe began as we know it at least 14
billion years ago,
maybe longer.
***
Leaders: Al Qaida/Taliban: Subservient to will of its leaders
American Right: Subservient to will of its leaders
Liberals: Will of the people served by Representative
government.
***
Fear: Al Qaida/Taliban: Life is scary and uncertain, seek refuge
in moral absolutes and scorn those who threaten those absolutes
American Right: Life is scary and uncertain, seek refuge in
moral absolutes and scorn those who threaten those absolutes
Liberals: Life is scary and uncertain, seek refuge in
accepting that respect for our fellow humans and the choices that they make are
eminently moral.
***
Women: Al Qaida/Taliban: A woman's place is in the home
American Right: A woman's place is in the home
Liberals: A woman's place is wherever she wants it to be.
***
Marriage: Al Qaida/Taliban: Marriage is only
between a man and a woman
American Right: Marriage is only between a man and a woman
Liberals: Marriage is between any two people who love each
other.
***
We could keep this up all day, I
suspect. Remember, the point isn't
that the American Right is just like Al Qaida,... The point is that there's no
reason that liberals would ever "root" for Al Qaida, the Taliban, or
any of the [other] crazies in the Islamic fundamentalist world.
The reasons [that people] hate the
American [Right] are the same reasons we hate fundamentalists of all stripes --
they seek to impose their own “moral code” [often, quite immoral,
as in the mass-murder of war] on the rest of society. [They] do so with the zeal and moral absolutism possible
only from those who believe they are doing "God's work.”
*****
*****
ARE WE THERE YET? by Heather Wiggins
We’ve done so well at
applying and learning our spiritual lessons on the path. And yet something doesn’t quite
smell right in Blissville. We’ve
gotten to a place where we feel comfortable in our own skin and know ourselves
so well....
I’m realistic enough to know that I
have quite a bit of work to do before I hit the spiritual enlightenment
jackpot. Still, most days over the
past six months have been filled with happiness and peace compared with which
my entire life, thus far, pales in comparison.
...Well, about two months ago, I noticed
the increasing presence of the kind of frustration that only a lifetime of
celibacy could create. I’m
referring to spiritual frustration. In my bliss-filled haze, I began to notice this nagging
feeling that something was amiss. Somewhere in my search for spiritual perfection,
I became complacent.
Through all my talk to friends and family,...
my higher self shouted out to me from somewhere deep beneath the warm and
seductive cloak of my ego. I had
been obsessed with things “outside”... I had been
fighting the present and resisting what is. I had been, at times, secretly wishing things were different; at other
times, I had been filled with joy. ...I had a sobering thought. What if the ego
was somehow involved here?...
The ego is a master at mind-manipulation. After all, it has been manipulating you
and everyone else since birth. It
can convince you that you have come so far spiritually, when in reality, you
are being played as a marionette by the lower nature within you. How can you
tell if it is your higher or lower nature creating this bliss?
If you have thoughts that cause discomfort
throughout the day, resist your present in any way, or think bad, unloving
thoughts about others, including thoughts of spiritual superiority, then you
still have some work to do.
...Your ego managed to pull the wool over
your eyes and tuck you into a soft and comfortable bed of denial. This denial assures you that you have
come so far....
[But others] know the “real
you”, and might see some cracks begin to show in your shiny and “at
peace with life” façade.
If you choose to accept the little,
friendly, nagging voice coming from your deep Unconscious that says “Wake
up! Get back on the path! There is much at stake!” you have
made the right choice. But be
warned! This decision may bring
you into a dark night of the soul that is darker and blacker than any you have
known. You will go head to head in
a fierce battle with your ego that will leave you unraveling and unwrapping the
web of deceit for months. Some of
the “spiritual work” that you [thought that you had] completed
might have been a sham.
Despite this, take heart and be glad. Your hard work has paid off in the best of ways. The true gemstones buried within you begin to emerge. They shine, shimmer, and radiate beneath
the surface of your ego as you chip the false façade that surrounded you
away. Cubic zirconia become diamonds, stainless steel becomes platinum, and
brass dazzles as it is transformed into the most brilliant of golds.
As you travel down the path of your own
spiritual evolution, it is important to hold two thoughts dear. First, never judge another’s
spiritual success or handicaps.... Embrace human frailty.... There are few things more precious
or beautiful, as only the most significant spiritual growth can occur through
human suffering or discomfort.
Second, always be sure to evaluate your
own spiritual progress.... Remember each day should only be compared to the one
before. A spiritual path promises
many rewards, but you will find broken glass and jagged rocks along the way. You will also find the most precious of
stones. You have to keep an eye
out for them, but what you discover is yours to keep and share with others as
you evolve.
You might have come a long way,
but the road to enlightenment doesn’t end until you know only perfect
love. Love, without boundaries, is
the ultimate destination.
*****
*****
HUMORTHERAPY: GRUNTS, SNORTS, LAUGHS, AND MILK OUT THE NOSE
LIFE-COMPLAINTS, sent in by Chris
Finer
These are genuine
complaints made to various
Council Housing Departments in the UK:
I want some repairs done to my cooker
as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.*** Their 18 year old son is
continually banging his balls against my fence.***I am writing on behalf of my
sink, which is coming away from the wall.***Will you please send someone to
mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is
pregnant.***I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.***Fifty
percent of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.***The
toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.***Our
lavatory seat is broken in half, and is now in three pieces.***The man next
door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.***I
am a single woman living in a downstairs flat; and would you please do
something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
***
LOVELY WOMAN: A CREATIONMYTH, sent
in by Pat Goodman
Adam was hanging around the garden
of Eden feeling very lonely. So,
God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to
talk to.
God said that He was going to make
Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you;
she will cook for you, and, when you discover clothing, she will wash it for
you. She will always agree with
every decision that you make. And
she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit that she was wrong
when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you! She will bear your children, and never
ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
“She will NEVER have a headache and
will freely give you love and passion
whenever you need them.”
Adam asked God, "What will a woman
like this cost?”
God replied, "An arm and a
leg.”
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?”
Of course, the rest is history.
***
FUNNY THOUGHTS AND ADVICE, sent
in by Ty Scharrer
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency
to be
vague.
__________________________
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
__________________________
A penny saved is a government oversight.
__________________________
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right
thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the
wrong thing at the tempting moment.
__________________________
The easiest way to find something lost
around the
house is to buy a replacement.
__________________________
He who hesitates is probably right.
__________________________
***
JOB-APPLICATION, sent in by Teresa
Ramsey
An actual
job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to WalMart in
Arkansas. They hired him because
he was so funny.
NAME:
George Martin
SEX: Not
lately, but I am looking for the right woman, (or at
least,
one who'll cooperate).
DESIRED
POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in
the first place.
DESIRED
SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a huge severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer
and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes
LAST
POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS
SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST
NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON
FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS
AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED
HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU
HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate
environment.
MAY WE
CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU
HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50
lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU
HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do
you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU
RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the
Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU
SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - yes.
WHAT
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy, dumb, sexy, blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest
thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU
CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh
yes, absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Sagittarius
***
PRESEDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED, sent
in by Mick Gallagher
Crawford, Texas (not AP). A tragic fire this morning
destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The fire began in the presidential
bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of his books have
been lost. A presidential
spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished
coloring the second one.
*****
*****
QUOTABLE QUOTES
"Our job is to love one
another without stopping to inquire whether they are worthy; that is not our
business. What we are asked to do is to Love and this Love will render
both ourselves and our neighbor worthy, if anything can." Thomas
Merton
***
“All real Love is
unconditional. If we love others
because of what we are, that is
unconditional. If we do this, it
does not matter what they say, think, or do, for it does not change us. But if we claim to love others because
of what they are, this is not Love at
all.”-- Shining Thunder
***
“To know even one life has breathed easier because you have
lived-- this
is to have succeeded.”--Ralph Waldo Emerson
*****
*****
MINIPARABLE: OTHERS’ PROBLEMS ARE YOURS, sent in by Geoffrey Stoermer
A mouse looked through the crack
in the wall to see the farmer open a package. "What food might
this contain?" he wondered.
But he was devastated to discover that it was a mousetrap.
Running into the farmyard, he proclaimed
the warning: "There is a
mousetrap in the house!”
The chicken
said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell that this is a grave concern to you; but it
is
of no consequence to me. I
cannot be bothered by it.”
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There
is a mousetrap in the house."
The pig sympathized, but said, "I
am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it
but pray. Be assured that you are in my prayers.”
The mouse turned to the cow. She said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse! I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off
my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house,
head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.
That very night a sound was heard
throughout the house-- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what
was caught. In the darkness, she
did not see that it was a venomous snake, whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit her. The farmer rushed her to the hospital,
and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows that you treat a fever with
fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the
soup's main ingredient. But his
wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her
around the clock. To feed them, the
farmer butchered the pig.
She died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow
slaughtered.
So, the next time that you hear that
someone is facing a problem, and think it
doesn't concern you, remember this miniparable. When one of us is threatened,
we are all at risk. We are
all involved in this journey called life.
We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to
encourage one another.
Remember: Each of us is a vital thread in every other person’s
tapestry. Our lives are woven
together for a reason.
*****
*****
A DEADLY
SERIOUS WARNING, sent in by Chris Finer
WASHINGTON. As London recovers from the latest
deadly al-Qaida attack that killed at least 50, top U.S. government officials
are contemplating what they consider to be an inevitable and much bigger
assault on America-- one likely to kill millions, destroy the economy, and
fundamentally alter the course of history, reports Joseph Farah's G2 Bulletin.
According to captured al-Qaida leaders and
documents, the plan is called the "American Hiroshima." It involves the multiple detonation of
nuclear weapons already smuggled into the U.S. over the Mexican border-- with
the help of the MS-13 street gang and other organized crime groups.
Al-Qaida has obtained at least forty nuclear weapons from the former Soviet Union. These include suitcase nukes, nuclear
mines, artillery shells, and even some missile warheads. In addition, documents captured in
Afghanistan show that al-Qaida had plans to assemble its own nuclear weapons
with fissile material purchased on the black market.
In addition to detonating its own nuclear weapons
already planted in the U.S., military sources also say there is evidence to
suggest al-Qaida is paying former Russian special forces. They assist the terrorist group in
locating nuclear weapons formerly concealed inside the U.S. by the Soviet Union
during the Cold War. This group is
also paying nuclear scientists (from Russia and Pakistan) to maintain its
existing nuclear arsenal, and to assemble additional weapons. It has invested hundreds of millions in
materials procured over a ten-year period.
The plans for the devastating nuclear attack on
the U.S. have been under development for more than a decade. It is designed as
a final deadly blow of defeat to the U.S.
Our country is seen by al-Qaida and its allies as "the Great
Satan."
At least half the nuclear weapons in the al-Qaida
arsenal were obtained for cash from their Chechen terrorist allies.
But the most disturbing news is that high level
U.S. officials now believe at least some of those weapons have been smuggled
into the U.S. for use in the near future.
They will be used in major cities as part of this "American
Hiroshima" plan, according to an upcoming book, "The al-Qaida
Connection: International Terrorism, Organized Crime and the Coming
Apocalypse," by Paul L. Williams, a former FBI consultant.
According to Williams, former CIA Director George
Tenet informed President Bush one month after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks that
at least two suitcase nukes had reached al-Qaida operatives in the U.S.
"Each suitcase weighed between 50 and 80
kilograms (approximately 110 to 176 pounds) and contained enough fissionable
plutonium and uranium to produce an explosive yield in excess of two
kilotons," wrote Williams.... “The design of the weapons, Tenet told the president, “is simple. The plutonium and uranium are kept in separate
compartments that are linked to a triggering mechanism that can be activated by
a clock or a call from the cell phone."
According to the author, the news sent Bush
"through the roof," prompting him to order his national security team
to give nuclear terrorism priority over every other threat to America.
However, it is worth noting that Bush failed to
translate this policy into securing the U.S.-Mexico border. It was through this the nuclear weapons
and al-Qaida operatives are believed to have passed with the help of the MS-13
smugglers. He did, however, order
the building of underground bunkers away from major metropolitan areas for use
by federal government managers following an attack.
Terrorist bin laden, according to Williams, has
nearly unlimited funds to spend on his nuclear terrorism plan, because he has
remained in control of the Afghanistan-produced heroin industry. Poppy production has greatly increased
even while U.S. troops are occupying the country, he writes....
Some of that money is used to pay off the
notorious MS-13 street gang.
Between thirty and fifty thousand dollars [is paid] for each sleeper agent smuggled into the
U.S. from Mexico....
The Bush administration's unwillingness to secure
the U.S.-Mexico border has puzzled and dismayed a growing number of activists
and ordinary citizens who see it as the Number One security threat to the
nation. The Minuteman organization
is planning a major mobilization of thousands of Americans this fall designed
to shut down the entire two-thousand-mile border....
According to Williams' sources, thousands of
al-Qaida sleeper agents have now been deployed into the U.S. to carry out their
individual roles in the coming "American Hiroshima" plan.
Fanatic bin laden's goal, according to the book,
is to kill at least 4 million Americans, 2 million of whom must be children. Only then, bin laden has said, would the
crimes committed by America on the Arab and Muslim world be avenged.
There is virtually no doubt among intelligence
analysts that al-Qaida has obtained fully assembled nuclear weapons, according
to Williams. The only question is
how many. Estimates range between
a dozen and seventy. The
breath-stopping news is that an undetermined number of these weapons, including
suitcase bombs, mines, and crude tactical nuclear weapons, have already been
smuggled into the U.S.-- at least some across the U.S.-Mexico border.
The future plan, according to captured al-Qaida
agents and documents, suggests the attacks will take place simultaneously in
major cities throughout the country-- including New York, Boston, Washington,
Las Vegas, Miami, Chicago, and Los Angeles.
In response to the G2 Bulletin
revelations, Chris Simcox, founder of the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps, a
citizen action group demanding the U.S. government take control of its borders,
said an immediate military presence on the borders is now imperative. This is "to stop the overwhelming
influx of unidentified, potentially hostile and seditious persons coming across
at an alarming rate."
"Terrorists have carte blanche to carry
practically anything they want across our national line at this time," he
said. "As ordinary citizens
have warned this government for years, the only surprising part about the new
information reported here is that nothing apocalyptic from Mexican-border
weapons trafficking has yet happened. Terrorism has reared its ugly head in London again these past
few days. And as we know all too
well we are not immune in this country. At this point, the next attempt to attack America at home is
just a matter of 'when,' not 'if.' And our unsecured borders have surely contributed to this
threat-- yet our government officials continue to fiddle while our nation's
margin of security and safety burns away. The president and Congress had better wake up before they
have to answer for another devastating terrorist incursion on our own
soil."
*****
*****
ELEPHANT HEROES, sent in by Sandi
Grubb
Consider the elephants
of the Pavilion Hotel in Phuket, Thailand, where one of the most popular
attractions is elephant rides. As
many as eight people climb onto one elephant, who first moves into the
surrounding forest, then down to the beach, to lunch at a fresh water lagoon,
then back to the hotel.
"Our nine
elephants," writes Pavilion Hotel Group manager Jim France,
"are kept
chained to in-ground posts, not because they need to be, but because it makes
the tourists feel better-- because their children seem safe from a tromping
when they're feeding the beasts.”
"About twenty
minutes before the first wave of the recent Tsunami hit, the elephants became
extremely agitated and unruly. Four
had just returned from a trip, and their handlers had not yet chained them. In a desperate panic, the four elephants
helped the other five tear free from their chains. They all then climbed a hill and started bellowing. Many people followed them up the hill. Then the waves hit.
"After the waves
subsided, the elephants charged down from the hill, and started picking up
children with their trunks and running them back up the hill. When all the children were taken care
of, they started helping the adults.
"God's
elephants" rescued forty-two people that day. Then, they returned to the beach and carried up four dead
bodies, including one of a child. Not
until the task was done did they allow their handlers to mount them.
Then, with handlers atop, they began moving wreckage. So remember,
whatever God makes, He cherishes, including elephants, sparrows, and you! Especially you!
*****
*****
WORDPLAY REARRANGEMENTS, sent
in by Chris Finer
Someone out there either
has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
DORMITORY: Rearrange the
letters: DIRTY
ROOM***PRESBYTERIAN: Rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER.***ASTRONOMER:
Rearrange the letters: MOON-STARER.***DESPERATION: Rearrange the letters: A
ROPE ENDS IT.***THE EYES: Rearrange the letters: THEY SEE.***GEORGE BUSH:
Rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE.***THE MORSE CODE: Rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS.***SLOT MACHINES: Rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME.***ANIMOSITY:
Rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY.***ELECTION RESULTS: Rearrange the letters:
LIES, LET'S RECOUNT.***MOTHER-IN-LAW: Rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER.***SNOOZE
ALARMS: Rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S.***A DECIMAL POINT: Rearrange
the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE.***THE EARTHQUAKES: Rearrange
the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE.***ELEVEN PLUS TWO: Rearrange the letters: TWELVE
PLUS ONE.
*****
*****
IN CASE OF
EMERGENCY, sent in by Chris Finer
I.C.E. means, “In Case of Emergency.” A campaign encourages people to enter an emergency contact
number in their mobile phone's memory under the heading
“ICE.” It has rapidly
spread throughout the world as a consequence of last week's terrorist attacks
in London. Originally established
as a nationwide campaign in the UK, ICE allows paramedics or police to be able
to contact a designated relative in an emergency situation.
By adopting the ICE advice, you can adapt
your mobile phone to help the rescue services quickly contact a friend or
relative. This could be vital in a
“life-or-death” situation. It takes only a few seconds, and it could easily help save
your life. Why not put ICE in your
phone now? Simply select your emergency-contact-person,
and enter her/his number under the word ”ICE.” For entering more than one contactname,
simply use ICE1, ICE2, ICE3 etc.
*****
*****
U.L.T.R.A. NEWS: LOVELIGHT MAGAZINE FOR TWENTY-OH-FOUR
We are delighted to report that all of the issues of Lovelight magazine for the year twenty-oh-four have been collected
together in one convenient paperback book. The book is at the publisher’s right now. It will be printed on one hundred
percent recycled paper. Sadly,
this ecofriendly way of producing a book is considerably more expensive than
traditional publishing; so, the cost of this three-hundred-plus page book is
$11.50. (If you would like it sent
to your door, or snailmail address, please add $2 for postage.)
Those of you who have comprised the informal
“staff” of Lovelight
magazine, our writers, have all been acknowledged publicly in this book.:) Your names have all been mentioned. Several of you have submitted articles,
pieces, and/or miniparables several times, and the book especially acknowledges
you. Your contributions to the
nonreligious spiritual education enterprise of Love Ministries, Inc. are very
welcome, and it is the Essence of this Message that will ultimately “save
the world.”
The six-by-nine paperback contains the great
wealth and diversity of humor, letters from friends, miniparables, and helpful
practical hints that have comprised the magazine since its inception in January
of twenty-oh-four. If you liked Lovelight magazine, you’re going to love The Light of Love!
Please do not forget to order copies for
your friends, and do not forget the book for Christmas and/or birthday, or
other, gifts! Please order from: rmfrancis@juno.com
*****
*****
U.L.T.R.A. NEWS: “HIGH SPIRITS” COMING TO TOWN!
We have received dozens of emails inquiring
about the status of our proposed new radioprogram, “High
Spirits.” We do not, as yet,
have a starting-date for the show.
This is because we are still seeking under-writers, whose advertising
will support the show financially.
This one-hour call-in show will have special and enormous appeal to all
spiritual people-- those of the metaphysical, spiritual, and “new
age” communities.
We are thrilled to report that we can announce,
to thousands of eager listeners, all your contact-information for only $19.95
per week. This great and loyal
crowd will hear:
Your name
Your phone-number
Your email address
Your snailmail address
Your website
A brief advertisement/description
of the services, product, or message that you are promoting
all for the very low bargain price
of only $19.95 per week!
We have carefully discussed the matter, and the
station does insist on a six-month contract. To provide this golden service for six months, then, would
cost only less than $479.
You will not find a better way to get your
message across, or a more “tailor-made,” interested, or committed
audience. For those who tune in
will definitely be a specialized audience. It will consist of thousands of people with strong, powerful
interests in metaphysics, spiritual reading, and readings, natural
health-products, natural foods, natural healing, ecology, progressive views,
and other areas. This audience is
a “prime target,” in other words, for a wide spectrum and variety
of messages, products, or services.
So, if you know of anyone with a message, service, or product to
provide, this is a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! We can have only ten under-writers, and
the first ten positively to commit will be honored! So, get on board the “Love-train”!
NOTE: If you have any personal experience in sales, marketing, pr,
or under-writing, we can use your services. So, join our Love-team today! Help us change the world! (We cannot pay at present, but would ask you to use only an
hour or two a week of your valuable time, to get the ball rolling!:) Please contact me asap at:
rmfrancis@juno.com
*****
*****
U.L.T.R.A. NEWS: NEW EDITION OF “JOURNEY” RELEASED
We are happy to announce the publication of a
brand-new edition of the comprehensive intro to mysticism, Journey to the
Center of the Soul: Mysticism Made Simple. This new edition is printed on one
hundred percent recycled paper, and so, is ecofriendly. This is an in-depth analysis of the
Way, written in simple, clear, lucid language, in short chapters. It talks about the underlying
philosophy of mysticism, and the psychology and transformations involved. It quotes extensively from historical
mystics, mostly (but not exclusively) from the traditions of Western mysticism. The unique writing-style is one of
gentle Love mingled with fiery passion, threaded with humor. It discusses the Way of Love from
vantage-points that will aid the neophyte and also strengthen the older
voyagers on the Path. It is one
“whopper” of a book!
The recycled paper has sadly increased its cost of printing; it costs us
$13.13 per copy to print, and that is also your price. (If you would like it sent through the
mail, please add $2 per copy.)
Order now, for friends, young and old, for Christmas, birthdays, and
other occasions. No more useful
gift could be given!:) Order from:
rmfrancis@juno.com
*****
*****
U.L.T.R.A. NEWS: A PEEK INTO THE MYSTERY
It’s great to be able o announce,
after many delays, the
republication of our novel, Luminous Ecstasies and Passions: Journeys into
Afterlife. This book is a mindblasting rollercoaster ride into bliss
and joy! It is also a celebration
of the sensuality of the world as a gift of nature/Goddess. This book is not for children. It explores
the lives of real adults. In it,
the main characters, in search of Love (the real thing) die, and are pursued
into the Afterlife, the beautiful world to come. This is called the “Homeworld,” and is a
fantastic cosmos in which everyone gets everything that she has ever wanted! The effect is
to transform even the dullest or most antisocial personalities into studies of
intensity, beauty, joy, and satisfaction.
This book was written for those who
have lost loved ones in death. It
is deliciously distracting, wonderfully encouraging, and enormously uplifting;
it is a real “feel good” story. The exquisite and glorious splendors of the world and life
to come are described with great detail and passion, with Love in many forms as
the Center of the book. Cost of
our printing: $10/copy. Order
from: rmfrancis@juno.com
*****
*****
LESSONS FROM “NOAH’S ARK”, sent in by Geoffrey Stoermer
Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark:
1. Don't miss the boat.***2. We are all in the same boat.***3.
Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when
Noah built the Ark.***4. Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone might ask you to do
something really big.***5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the
job.***6. Build your future on high ground.***7. For safety's sake, travel in
pairs.***
8. Speed isn't always an advantage. Snails were onboard with cheetahs.***9. When
you're stressed, just float a while.***10. Remember, the Ark was built by
amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.***11. No matter the storm, when you are
with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.
*****
*****
THE STUPIDITY OF GRABBING CREDIT: A MINIPARABLE OF EGOGRASPING, sent in by Geoffrey Stoermer
Alice was to bake a cake for the Church ladies' group bake sale. But she forgot until the last minute. After rummaging through cabinets, she found a dusty old Angel food cake mix in the back of her kitchen cabinet. She quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had horrifyingly dropped flat, and the cake was horribly disfigured.
There was no time to bake another cake.
This cake was so important to Alice because she
did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new
friends. So, being inventive and
not wanting anyone to think she was not the perfect woman, able to handle all
things at all times, she looked around the house for something to build up the
center of the cake.
Alice found what she sought in the
bathroom-- a roll of toilet paper.
She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.
Not only did the finished product look beautiful;
it looked perfect!
She had to head for work. So, Alice woke her daughter and gave
her money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened. She was carefully told to buy that cake
and bring it home.
When she arrived at the sale, she found
that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold.
She grabbed her cell phone and called her
Mom. Alice was horrified!
She wailed to herself: Everyone would know; what would they
think? Oh, my God! She would be ostracized, talked about,
ridiculed. She would have to move, or kill herself! All night Alice
lay awake thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about
her behind her back.
The next day, Alice tried not to think about
it. She attended a fancy
luncheon/bridal shower. She did not really want to attend. The hostess was a snob who more than
once had looked down her nose at Alice.
For Alice was a single parent, and not from the founding families
of Tuscaloosa. But having already promised to come, she could not think
of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant; the company
was definitely upper crust old South.
And to Alice's horror, her cake was
presented for dessert! Could this
day get any worse?
She felt the blood drain from her body when
she saw it. She started to get out
of her chair to rush into the kitchen, to tell the hostess all about it. But before she could get to her feet,
the Mayor's wife, one of the guests among many reporters, said, "What a
beautiful cake!"
Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the
snobby hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I
baked it myself."
Alice smiled happily, relaxed deeply, and thought
to herself "There is a God.”
*****
*****
QUIZ FOR PEOPLE WHO KNOW
EVERYTHING! sent in by Pat Goodman
1. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving
backward?
Niagara Falls. The
rim is worn down about two and a half feet each
year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush
over it every
minute.
2. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own
for several growing seasons. All
other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? Asparagus and
rhubarb.
3. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? Strawberry.
4. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a
real pear inside the bottle. The
pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any
way. How did the pear get inside
the bottle?
The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small,
and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are
snipped off at the stems.
5. Only three words in standard English begin with the
letters "dw."
They are all common. Name two of them. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.
6. There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you
name half of them?
Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe,
question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets,
parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
7. It's the only vegetable or
fruit that is never sold frozen,
canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh.
What is it? Lettuce.
8. Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet
that begin
with the letter "S." Shoes, socks, sandals,
sneakers, slippers, skis,
skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
*****
*****
A LETTER FROM A NEW FRIEND
Mr. Francis / Mr. Esposito,
I wanted to write to say
goodbye and thank you for your weekly radio show on VXU.
I didn't listen weekly, but I
listened when I could, and appreciated that a show like yours existed on the
radio. I will miss it. The humor and the passion for a true
spiritual path were joys to have on VXU.
I know that you will continue
doing all the many other great things that each of you does to create positive
ripples in the fabric of our world.
I am a student of Kriya Yoga, and
so I, too, will do my best to create those ripples. I know that we don't
need a majority - just a critical mass to have a spiritual revolution. At
this point, I believe that that is the only thing that will save this world.
Please pass along to Ron, that
years ago, I sat next to him at a pledge drive. It was the first time
that I had volunteered for one, and he was part of making it fun. He is a
very entertaining person to be around! Ron, thank you for all that you
contributed to VXU over the years. It was a very special station (I never
thought a media outlet could mean so much to me!), and will be missed profoundly.
I wish you the best of fortune and joyful opportunities in the coming years.
A. F.
Hamilton, OH
*****
*****