LOVELIGHT
Magazine
May 2006***Vol. 3, no. 5
Managing Editors: Adamaria Francis and Richard "Shining Thunder" Francis. Contributors to this issue: Ramona Abella, Pat Fields, Chris Finer, Pat Goodman, Sandra Grubb, James Mitchell, Kara Rivers, Ty Scharrer, Karleen, Sell, Barbara Siler, T. J. Vissing
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LOVELIGHT
MAGAZINE: WHAT WE'RE ALL ABOUT
Lovelight magazine is free. It comes directly to your inboxscreen once a month, to bring a little sunshine into your life. We hope to bring you at least a few laughs, in the "Humor Therapy" section. But life, as we know, is not all laughs. So, we hope also to share with you some pleasant and sweet thoughts-- and maybe even some life-lessons. If you see any, or any jokes that make your roar or cry with silly humor, please send them along to us.
Lovelight wants to promote peace and harmony. We would also love to aid you personally to overcome any problems that you might have. If you are working on any religious, psychological, or spiritual problems, we encourage you to write to us at rmfrancis@juno.com
We also want to present "miniparables" to help you grow. So, if you come across any wise or touching pieces, not copyrighted, fairly short, please share them with the efamily. Please send them to the magazine, at the same address. Also welcome are practical tips that can make life easier or safer. We also welcome short pieces on personal philosophies, interesting facts, wordplays, and spirituality, especially those that emphasize the value of compassion and other forms of Love. We reserve the right to make whatever changes that we deem necessary or desirable before inclusion in Lovelight magazine.
Your email name/address will not be shared. Please share, send, or copy, this magazine, or any parts of it. Share it with all your friends, and all others. Please use it on your websites. Also, if your friends are inclined, please have them send us their ema and request a personal subscription.
This is published as a "light" introduction to spirituality. It is designed especially for those who have little or no interest in the "heavier" aspects of spirituality. Indeed, it has proved useful to reach many with no compelling interest in the subjects of agapology (the psychology of Love) or the Way of Love (spirituality). And it is also great, fun reading for all the rest of us!:) This collection would make a sweet gift for a loved one. Happy reading!:)
Love,
The Editors
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LOVELETTERS FROM BUDS, PALS, AND FRIENDS
Messages from Ty Scharrer and Others
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gatorsden@intergate.com>
Date: Tue, 25 Apr 2006 22:46:04 -0400
Subject: Messages from Ty and others
Dear shi,
I posted information about your radio program on four discussion groups. Here is a copy of the message I posted:
My friend, Richard Francis, has a new talk show on WCKY radio in Cincinnati. The show, called “High Spirits,” broadcasts every Saturday evening at 8:00 Eastern Standard Time. The broadcast is available through the internet streaming radio – for free. Here is the web page for the broadcast:
http://www.wcky.com/pages/streaming.html
He invites everyone to call into the show, to discuss Christianity, Buddhism, cults, politics, parapsychology, the paranormal, metaphysics, the concept of time, existence, spirituality, and Mysticism, among many other topics. There are very few subjects that cannot be discussed. Richard has written 15 books and has a master's in psychology. He is a mystic.
So, if you want to hear an interesting broadcast, listen to High Spirits on Saturday evening. Richard especially encourages listeners to call in, offering comments and questions. [The number is 877-345-3779, and you need not receive the program on radio to call.]
You will find his radio program unique, featuring ideas that you might have thought about but never expressed in public.
-Gator
_______________
Here are a couple of replies I got:
Gary Bussellman said:
"I loved his book. I printed it out and put it in a three ring binder and
read it with pleasure. Interesting guy!"
Linda said:
"Oh yes!!!!! Richard and his wife have visited
me; and I have visited with them. This was in the early years of my
departure from the cult. Imagine still having a lot of
the cult-teachings still ingrained in you about demons etc. and meeting an
extremely intelligent person with amazing abilities. His energy is very
amazing. His philosophy is about Love and Light. Bill, I know
that you would enjoy listening to his show."
This is Richard's web site http://loveministries.org/index.php
_______
Emily said:
"Richard and Maria were at Linda's, many years ago. We had 5 ex-cultists in the house. Quite interesting. I remember so well as Ann and I left and walked down the drive way, she said, 'Emily, Jesus is not Jehovah.' And I said, 'I know.' That was just months after we both came out [from the cult]."
_______
I will follow with a short message of my own:
I listened to Maria read my message on Saturday’s “High Spirits” radio broadcast. Thank you. I suspect after having the out-of-body or whatever experience three times so far, that I will have it again.... Thanks for your written message, which helps explain what happened.
You seemed more relaxed and very professional last Saturday. It will take time to build up a listening audience. I intend to continue listening,...... Keep up the good work of spreading LOVE to the hearts of everyone.
Your friend always,
Ty
*******
Dear Friends:
Unless something unexpected takes place, the plan here is to tune in to "High Spirits" tonight.
…The first radio show went so well. Thank you so much for inextinguishable determination to use technology to bring food for thought and nurturing of the individual soul to many more people….. I look forward to receiving the next editions of Love Digest and Love Light ezine.
Sending you tons of love and blessings,
Your friend,
Ramona
PS …Your book, the Gospel According to Judas Iscariot, has been very present while listening to all the controversy that this has stirred up. Apparently, the narrative reflects that Judas was, in fact, Jesus' favored Disciple; and he, Judas, was actually following instructions by Jesus to "betray" him….
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4/28/06
Dear Richard,
Thanks for the update on time, number, and request for call-ins during the High Spirits radio program…. I look forward to the possibilities of May…. What kind of response have you been getting?...
Recently, a friend was asking me about the differences between soul, spirit, and mind. When such questions arise I generally refer to your book Journey to the Center of the Soul if the inquiry is open to the mystic's interpretation of such words/concepts. Unfortunately, I lent that book to a friend about a year ago. He still has it; and my summary of your presentation wasn't detailed enough to satisfy the inquiry. Can you please briefly differentiate between soul, spirit, and mind? Once I get that book, I can refer her to it.
Regarding some of your statements with the ULD theme 'Existence of Evil,' I greatly appreciate and value your bringing to light what I would call the 'creation story' of 'One Mind is Love' and how, eventually, the individual souls forget their unification with this story and dream themselves into existential reality. Once in this 'reality,' individuals are naturally thrown into the chain of unavoidable cause and effect (paticca samupadda in Buddhism) unless, like Gotama the Buddha (as well as many others), one breaks this cycle through liberation. Without direct experience…, however, a person can only know about this intellectually.
You state that evil is permitted as a
dream by the perfect Mind and that "This is the
theological distinction between the "active" and
"permissive" will of
God. It is still one will, undivided, but manifests in these two ways."
Indeed, distinction is inevitable when talking about something as
ineffable as the One-- to gain some semblance of clarification.
You rightly associate evil with sin based on linguistic etymology. Consider adding the consonant 'd' to evil and what do you have? The devil or evil is about humanity perpetuating obstacles or hindrances such as greed, hatred, delusion, laziness, and anger.
So, I think that it is only one side of the coin to write about ways to illumine the roots of (d)evil (i.e., karma, ignorance, etc) without also suggesting actual coping skills that calm the mind & assist with opening to the mystery (from energy to Stillness). What about considering the other side of the coin to be improved physiological measurements (e.g., blood pressure, hypothalamus, and adrenal & pituitary glands, etc.) as a yardstick for moving towards eliminating evil from one's life? It has been proven in scientific studies (even though we don't need science to prove it) that, with traditional forms of yoga and meditation, a body can improve overall health. My theory is that, with sustained practice, awareness of the body becomes commonplace; and from there, one can get in touch with the thoughts and emotions embodied in the body. Bringing light to the dark or so called 'evil' parts of the mind/body connection contributes to lessening the power they have. When people are reminded of their physical health, and how that connects to their mental well being, then inspiration moves from theory to actual practice.
Granted, there are genetic predisposition's that cannot be shaken with spiritual practice. Actually, and as you know, with spiritual practice one becomes better able to respond to the challenges (or 'that which happens') rather than desperately reacting to them.
By focusing on one's physiology as a yardstick and moving away from conceptual stories, perhaps people would be inspired by those who have gleaned so much from their own physiological confrontation, e.g. mindfulness meditation or other meditative practices. It is no mistake that the eightfold path is comprised of three divisions: sila (moral conduct), samadhi (concentration), and panna (wisdom). In this way, people discover for themselves what is spiritual, from their own experience, rather than arguing about concepts, etc. And [they no longer need to] try to understand something without a lived experience. Obviously, from short bouts of meditation and/or following the sensations of the body, not everyone will move closer to the middle path. Yet, it seems to be important to actually inspire people to start the inner psychonaut journeys rather than encouraging them to fully rely on mystics, priests, teachers, parents, politicians, writers, thinkers, etc.
Naturally, having a plethora of great mindresources is good, but when it supercedes a person's actual 'work' on him or herself, then is it really that helpful?
I truly appreciate and respect the work you do. These are just some of my musings on the themes discussed. Be well, Brother Richard.
Peace and Blessings,
James [Mitchell]
P.S. I'm certain that the word 'therapy or therapeutic' has a Greek root. Do you know that actual meaning? I believe it has something to do with 'witnessing'?
***
Dear Richard -
Keep up the beautiful work!
Love to you and Maria,
Karleen [Sell]
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What a great response you got on Saturday! You got all sorts of people from all over, including the guy [who] was on the road when he called. There are a lot of people looking for their way Home, it seems...!
Hugs and love always,
Sandra [Grubb]
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I listened to your program this evening. I see that you did briefly discuss “near death experiences.” Thank you…. Brain death occurs within minutes of the cessation of life…. Have you ever had the experience [of an obe, or rde[?
There are many who claim to have the ability of “remote viewing” where they can leave their bodies, travel to remote areas of the earth, and view what is happening there. Can this also be considered a near death experience?...
Keep up the excellent broadcasts! We are in total agreement that one-- whether he or she is an atheist, agnostic, Christian, Buddhist, or whatever-- can live a satisfying life only by living it with love. [This should be] not only a goal, but a lifestyle.
Love,
Ty [Scharrer]
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Dearest Richard,
Your email, "The Poem of Poetry," is just about the most beautiful message that's ever been printed! The depth and eloquence of the entire message became a breathtaking poem, and it made me want to share, with you, one of my own recent attempts. So, here goes. Hope you like it.
Much love,
Barbara and Dale Siler
Afloat on this wave of the here and the now,
I surrender my “story,” and simply allow
Your Love to engulf me and bring me awake
To my reason for being. I
live for your sake.
***
Richard,
Great to hear you on the radio again. It's a relief to know the
airwaves are carrying a quality message.... I love the fact that we can
call in,... I imagine
a call in show is a little riskier. You never know which direction the
show is going to go with callers, which will keep you on your toes. I
can't imagine anyone could throw something at you that you could not handle
with complete elegance.
My wife... called in this week with what I now think was a great
question." Why are we here, what's our purpose?" You answered that
question perfectly, and I really think it is what people needed to
hear.
As the show moved along, I had some questions, but one in particular
still lingers.
When we look at all the religions of the world, there is a lot to try
and understand about their origins and agendas.
What do you think the true inspirations were for these religions?...
It seems to me that the birth of religions comes through well meaning
and perhaps enlightened people, but there may be some kind of ego, or
just human influence, that seems to screw it all up. It could be that the
point of influence, or inspiration, simply comes from within,...
Is there a chance that one of them has it right. Certainly in my mind
there are some that resonate in my heart as more appropriate than
others.
T.J. Vissing
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TEST YOUR MIND, sent in by Pat Goodman
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the
muscles. It's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge intelligence. Some people, for example, cannot seem to manage a double-space between sentences!
The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your responses. OK, relax, clear your mind, and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows
drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature, such as Auto World. However, if you said "water," Proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks, and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why are you Still reading these? If you said "glass," go on to Question four.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany ( If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany And East
Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines failed. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine was also failing, decided on a crash landing procedure.
Unfortunately the engine failed before he could do so; and the plane fatally crashed smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you must stop.
If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus; in Reading, six people get Off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three People get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three Get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
Please pass this along to all your friends.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!
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BOUNCE
THIS MESSAGE ALONG, sent in by Chris Finer
My mail carrier told me that the US Postal service
sent out a
message To all letter carriers to put a sheet of Bounce in their uniform
pockets To keep yellow-jackets away.***I use Bounce-sheets all the time when
playing baseball and soccer. I use Bounce
when I am working outside. It
really works. The yellow jackets
just
veer around you.***All this time, you've just been putting Bounce in the dryer!
It
will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them. It also repels
mice.***Spread sheets around foundation areas, or in trailers, or cars
that are sitting; and it keeps mice from entering your vehicle.***It takes the
odor out of books and photo albums that don't get
opened too often.***It repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop
when outdoors during mosquito season.***Eliminate static electricity from your
television (or computer) screen.***Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate
static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep
dust from
resettling.***Dissolve soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of
Bounce.***To freshen the air in your home, place an individual sheet of
Bounce in a drawer or hang in the closet.***Put Bounce sheet in vacuum cleaner.***Prevent
thread from tangling. Run a
threaded needle through a
sheet of Bounce before beginning to sew.***Prevent musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside
empty luggage before storing.***To freshen the air in your car, place a sheet
of Bounce under the front seat.***Clean baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in a pan,
fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The anti-static
agent apparently weakens the bond between the food and the pan.***Eliminate
odors in wastebaskets. Place a
sheet of Bounce at
the bottom of the wastebasket.***Collect cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically
attract all the loose hairs.***Eliminate static electricity from Venetian
blinds. Wipe the blinds with a
sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.***Wipe up sawdust from
drilling or sand papering. A used
sheet
of Bounce will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.***Eliminate odors in dirty
laundry. Place an individual sheet
of Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.***Deodorize shoes or
sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce
in your
shoes or sneakers overnight.***Golfers put a Bounce sheet in their back pocket to
keep the bees away.***Put a Bounce sheet in your sleeping bag and tent before
folding and storing them. It will
keep them smelling fresh.
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CHILD'S PLAY: A NEW CAR, sent in by Kara Rivers
A soy-fueled car that can go from zero to 60 in four seconds and get more than 50
miles to the gallon would be enough to pique any driver's interest. So
who do we have to thank for it? Ford? GM? Toyota?
No, just Victor, David, Cheeseborough, Bruce, and Kosi, five kids from the auto shop
program at West Philadelphia High School.
-- CBS News, 2/17/06
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/02/17/eveningnews/main1329941.shtml
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FUEL FROM WATER
Iceland has already started…turning water into fuel - hydrogen fuel.
Here's how it works: Electrodes split the water into hydrogen and oxygen
molecules. Hydrogen electrons pass through a conductor that creates the
current to power an electric engine. Hydrogen fuel now costs two to
three times as much as gasoline, but gets up to three times the mileage
of gas, making the overall cost about the same. As an added benefit,
there are no carbon emissions - only water vapor.
Fuel's paradise? Power source that turns physics on its head
November 4, 2005, The Guardian (one of the UK's leading newspapers)http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/story/0,3605,1627424,00.html
It seems too good to be true: a new source of near-limitless power that
costs virtually nothing, uses tiny amounts of water as its fuel, and
produces next to no waste. Randell Mills, a Harvard University medic who
also studied electrical engineering at Massachusetts Institute of
Technology, claims to have built this kind of prototype power source. It generates
up to 1,000 times more heat than conventional fuel. "We've got 50
independent validation reports. We've got 65 peer-reviewed journal
articles," he said. "We ran into this theoretical resistance and there
are some vested interests here.
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MAGNETIC ENERGY
September 7, 2005, San Francisco Chronicle
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=3D/c/a/2005/09/07/BUG9NEJD3L1
.DTL
"All we know is that we're seeing more energy output than input. Does
Goldes realize what he's saying -- that he's perhaps discovered a
clean, inexhaustible energy source? "That's exactly what it appears to
be," he answered. A handful of other companies worldwide are believed
also to be pursuing zero-point energy via magnetic systems. One of
them...is run by a former scientist at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory
in Pasadena. According to Aviation Week & Space Technology magazine, the
Pentagon and at least two large aerospace companies are actively
researching zero-point energy as a means of propulsion.
***
SOLAR. Challenge Finishes in Calgary
July 28, 2005, Open Source Energy Network/Detroit News
http://pesn.com/2005/07/28/9600141_Solar_Challenge_results
http://www.detnews.com/2005/schools/0507/28/01-262474.htm - Detroit News
http://wwmt.com/engine.pl?station3Dwwmt&id3D18269&template3Dbr
eakout_local.html - CBS affiliate
The ten-day solar car race from Austin to Calgary came to a successful
finish yesterday. U of Michigan takes prize, finishing the 2500-mile
course in 54 hours. They also set a record by averaging 46.2 mph in
this, the world's longest solar car race.
Eco-car more efficient than light bulb
July 5, 2005, CNN
http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/07/04/eco.car
The hydrogen-powered Ech2o needs just 25 Watts -- the equivalent of less
than two gallons of petrol -- to complete the 25,000-mile global trip,
while emitting nothing more hazardous than water. But with a top speed
of 30mph, the journey would take more than a month to complete. Ech2o,
built by British gas firm BOC, will bid to smash the world fuel
efficiency record of over 10,000 miles per gallon at the Shell Eco
Marathon. The record is currently....5,385 km/per liter [over 12,000
mpg!].
Advanced vehicles demonstrate zero oil-consumption, reduced emissions
May 18, 2005, Boston Globe
http://www.boston.com/cars/news/2005/may/0518_tourdesol.html
http://www.evworld.com/view.cfm?section 3Dcommunique&newsid=3D8474
(includes copy of above article)
Top prize for the Monte-Carlo Rally went to a modified Honda Insight
[which] broke the 100-mile-per-gallon barrier over a 150-mile range. The
car actually got 107 miles-per gallon. St. Mark's High School in
Southboro, and North Haven Community School, North Haven, ME,
demonstrated true zero-oil consumption and true zero climate-change
emissions with their modified electric Ford pick-up and Volkswagen bus.
Fans of GM Electric Car Fight the Crusher
Washington Post, March 10, 2005
http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A21991-2005Mar9=20
GM agrees that the car in question, called the EV1, was a rousing feats
of engineering that could go from zero to 60 miles per hour in under
eight seconds with no harmful emissions. The market just wasn't big
enough, the company says, for a car that traveled 140 miles or less on a
charge before you had to plug it in like a toaster. Ted Flittner,
a...Costa Mesa industrial engineer...said, "they have such a brilliant
solution they've developed. They've put it on the market and proved it
works. People still want it and they're taking it away and destroying
it."
100 MPG Car Heralded by London Times in 2002 - Where is it now?
December 2 , 2004, WantToKnow.info/London Times
http://www.WantToKnow.info/carmileage - WantToKnow.info (includes text
of London Times article
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,588-451038,00.html.
The Toyota Eco Spirit was the talk of the fuel economy car industry in
2002. At over 100 MPG and with the lowest exhaust emissions and a very
reasonable sticker price, the Eco Spirit's debut was widely anticipated.
(see London Times article). What happened to it?
1908 Ford Model T: 25 MPG, 2004 EPA Average All Cars: 21 MPG
Detroit News/WantToKnow.info, June 4, 2004
http://www.WantToKnow.info/050711carmileageaveragempg
Ford's Model T, which went 25 miles on a gallon of gasoline, was more
fuel efficient than the current Ford Explorer sport-utility vehicle --
which manages just 16 miles per gallon.
Note: The last article above is an excellent summary of eye-opening
contradictions which have received very little media coverage, including
links to major media articles to back up the facts presented. And for an
excellent, two-page summary of the entire energy cover-up:
http://www.WantToKnow.info/newenergysources
Final Note: Remember that with your help, we can and will build a
brighter future for us all. And for some deeply inspiring stories to
provide balance to all of this:
http://www.WantToKnow.info/coverupnews#inspiration
See our archive of cover-up news articles at
http://www.WantToKnow.info/coverupnews. Your donations, however large or small, help greatly to support this important work.
To make a donation by mail or credit card (PayPal):
http://www.WantToKnow.info/donationswtk. Explore these empowering websites coordinated by the PEERS network:
http://www.momentoflove.org - Every person in the world has a heart
http://www.WantToKnow.info - Reliable, verifiable information on major
cover-ups
http://www.inspiringcommunity.org - Building a Global Community for All
http://www.weboflove.org - Strengthening the Web of Love that
interconnects us all
Together, we are building a better world based on love and cooperation.
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QUOTATIONS BY WHICH TO LIVE AND THRIVE, sent in by Pat Fields
"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if (s)he is to be ultimately at peace with (her)himself. What a man [person] can be, (s)he must be." --Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) Psychologist
***
"People who live well are experts at giving. They give their money; they give their time. They share their wisdom and their skills. They quickly say yes when asked to help. For them…to give is to love and to love is to live. It’s a formula for a successful life. Steve Goodier, writer
***
"In all people, there are two sets of feelings: One is fear, the other is Love. If there is fear, then we shrink as person[s]. But Love… can move mountains!"-- Jorgen Roed
***
"A fool and his money are soon elected."-- Will Rogers
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LAUGH TILL YOU SCREAM: HUMORTHERAPY
NO DISREPECT TO BILL BUT…Sent in by Ty Scharrer
It
was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance
policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a
really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at
noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person
came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy,
promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how
your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said.
"I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my
wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began
searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the
entire apartment. Just as I was
about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that
there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and
stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground.
However, wouldn't you know it, he landed
in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me
off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I
could get my hands on to throw at him.
Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I
unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It
plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great
that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment.
Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the
Angel announced, "OK,
sir. Welcome to the ! Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up.
To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump. "Mr. Trump, before I can let
you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."
Trump said, "No problem. But you're
not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment
doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really
pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away,
slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch
myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this
crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my
fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom,
which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move
and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things
off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me
instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself
as Trump finishes his story. "I could get used to this new
policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces.
"Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter. A few
seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too
shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's
head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the
day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm
naked, inside a refrigerator......"
LETTERS FROM DOG TO GOD, sent in by Ramona Abella
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
***
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
***
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?
***
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
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Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
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Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
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Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1 . I will not eat the cats' food.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
5. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
6. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before-- not after-- entering the house.
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DO ELEPHANTS REALLY REMEMBER EVERYTHING?, sent in by Ty Scharrer
An elephant was drinking at a watering hole when a turtle approached. The elephant looked at the turtle for a minute and then gave it a swift kick. The turtle flew through the air and landed several hundred feet away. A zebra standing close by asked, "Why did you kick that turtle?"
"Well," the elephant replied, "That turtle
bit my foot 20 years ago. That was
payback."
"How do you know it
was the same turtle?" The
elephant looked at the zebra a minute and said, "I have turtle recall."
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YOU'RE FROM CALIFORNIA IF:
sent in by Ty
Scharrer
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings, and none is visible.***2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.***3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.***4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named "Flower."***5. You can't remember. . is pot illegal?***6. You've been to a baby-shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.***7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.***8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?***9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.***10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.***
11. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.***12. You can't remember… is pot illegal?***13. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."***14. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their celfons or pagers.***15. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.***16. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal?***17. Both you AND your dog have therapists.***18. HEY! Pot must be legal!
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PRESIDENT'S PUZZLE, sent in by Ty Scharrer
Dick Cheney walked into the Oval Office and saw bush whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter?" the vp inquired.
"Nothing at all. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President boasted arrogantly.
"How long did it take you?" Cheney asked.
"Well the box said 3 to 5 years' but I did it in a month!"
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TOP AMISH SPRINGTIME ACTIVITIES, sent in by Ty Scharrer
Drink molasses till you heave.***Attend a Wet
Bonnet contest.***Tear a page out of the room directory and totally trash it.***Throw
a "Keg of Buttermilk" party.***Blow past the Dairy Queen on a really
hot Clydesdale.***Get a tattoo that says: "Born to Raise Barns."***Dare
to wear a see-through smock to bed.***Sleep in until 6 am.***Cop a glance,
behind a checkout counter, of the front cover of a Playboy Magazine.***Churn
butter naked.
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THANK LOVE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE, sent in by Chris Finer
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, And noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."
So she did, and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had
Only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did, and she had a grand day.
The next day
she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had Only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to
wear my hair in a pony tail." So
she did, and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "Yay!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Attitude is
everything.
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BUYING ORGANIC, sent in by Karleen Sell
Dear Co-op America,,
I'm on a budget, so I need to know what types of produce do I absolutely need to buy organic to avoid toxins?
- Fred A., Los Angeles, CA
ACCORDING TO THE Organic Consumers Association, produce with the highest pesticide levels are: apples, bell peppers, celery, cherries, imported grapes, nectarines, peaches, pears, potatoes, red raspberries, spinach, and strawberries. We recommend buying these organic. [It also helps to peel when possible.]
Produce with the lowest pesticide levels include: asparagus, avocados, bananas, broccoli, cauliflower, sweet corn, kiwi, mangoes, onions, papaya, pineapples, and sweet peas.
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LIVING GREEN, sent in by Karleen Sell
By Slavoj Zizek
[NOTE: Zizek defends and protects atheism as a viable social philosophy. Inclusion of this article, modified, in Lovelight magazine does not represent the editors' approval of atheism. Atheism is, historically, as destructive and extreme an approach as fundamentalism, and is therefore rejected by the editors. But the writer does make some logical arguments against the harmful nature of fundamentalism.-- the editors.]
Published: March 12, 2006
London
For centuries, we have been told that, without religion, we are no more than egotistic animals, fighting for our share. Our only morality is that of a pack of wolves. Only religion, it is said, can elevate us to a higher spiritual level. Today, religion is emerging as the wellspring of murderous violence around the world. Assurances that Christian, Muslim, or Hindu fundamentalists are only perverting the noble spiritual messages of their creeds ring increasingly hollow.…
More than a century ago, in "The Brothers Karamazov" and other works, Dostoyevsky warned against the dangers of godless moral nihilism. He argued, in essence, that if God doesn't exist, then everything is permitted. The French philosopher André Glucksmann even applied Dostoyevsky's critique of godless nihilism to 9/11. The title of his book, Dostoyevsky in Manhatten, suggests this.
This argument couldn't have been more wrong. The lesson of today's terrorism is that
if "God" exists, then everything, including blowing up thousands of
innocent bystanders, is permitted. At least, it is to those who claim to act directly on behalf
of "God."
Clearly, a direct link to "God"
justifies the violation of any merely human constraints. In short, fundamentalists have become no
different than the "godless" Stalinist Communists. For them, everything was permitted,
since they perceived themselves as direct instruments of their "divinity."
The Historical Necessity of Progress
was toward Communism.
The Seventh Crusade was led by St. Louis. During it, Yves le Breton reported how he once encountered an old woman who wandered down the street with a dish full of fire in her right hand and a bowl full of water in her left hand. She was asked why she carried the two bowls. She answered that, with the fire, she would burn up Paradise until nothing remained of it. And with the water, she would put out the fires of Hell, until nothing remained of them. "Because I want no one to do good in order to receive the reward of Paradise, or from fear of Hell; but solely out of Love for God."…
Fundamentalists do what they perceive as good deeds in order to "fulfill God's will" and to earn salvation…. But when I do a good deed, I do so not with an eye toward gaining God's favor; I do it because if I did not, I could not look at myself in the mirror. A moral deed is by definition its own reward. David Hume, a believer, made this point in a very poignant way. He wrote that the only way to show true respect for God is to act morally while ignoring God's existence.
Two years ago, Europeans were debating whether the preamble of the European Constitution should mention Christianity…. As usual, a compromise was worked out, a reference in general terms to the "religious inheritance" of Europe...
Consider the debate that raged in Ljubljana, the capital of Slovenia, my home country. The constitutional controversy simmered. should Muslims (mostly immigrant workers from the old Yugoslav republics) be allowed to build a mosque? Conservatives opposed the mosque for cultural, political and even architectural reasons. the liberal weekly journal Mladina was consistently outspoken in its support for the mosque…. Not surprisingly, given its liberal attitudes, Mladina was also one of the few Slovenian publications to reprint the infamous caricatures of Muhammad. And, conversely, those who displayed the greatest "understanding" for the violent Muslim protests those cartoons caused were also the ones who regularly expressed their concern for the fate of Christianity in Europe.
These weird alliances confront Europe's Muslims with a difficult choice: the only political force that does not reduce them to second-class citizens allows them the space to express their religious identity. These are the "godless" atheist liberals. Those closest to their religious social practice, their Christian mirror-image, are their greatest political enemies. The paradox is that Muslims' only real allies are not those who first published the caricatures for shock value, but those who, in support of the ideal of freedom of expression, reprinted them….
What, however, about submitting Islam — together with all other religions — to a respectful, but… critical analysis? This, and only this, is the way to show a true respect for Muslims. This is to treat them as serious adults responsible for their beliefs.
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