LOVELIGHT
Magazine
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Vol. 2, number 3*** March 2005
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Managing editors: Adamaria Francis and Richard Shiningthunder Francis. Contributors to this issue: Cheri Cones-Ross, Maureen Dwyer, Christine Finer, Pat Goodman, Tom Gustin, Gene Janning, Linda Jung, Ty Scharrer, Geoffrey Stoermer
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Note: Lovelight magazine is designed to create smiles and positive feelings. Although we cannot pay, submissions are welcome. Our readers' email addresses and other information will not be given to others.
THE HIGHEST "HIGH"LETTING GOD (LOVE) WORK THROUGH YOU, sent in by Maureen Dwyer
Written by a Hospice physician:
I just had one of the most amazing experiences of my life,
and want to share it with my family and dearest friends:
I was driving home from a meeting this evening, stuck in traffic. The car started to choke, sputter, and die. I barely managed to coast, cursing, into a
gas station. I was glad only that I would not be blocking traffic, and
would have a warm spot to wait for the tow truck.
Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking, and it looked as if she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump. So, I got out to see if she was okay.
When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs
than that she had fallen. She was a young woman who looked really
haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as
I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.
At that moment, everything came into focus: The crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with three kids in the back (1 in a carseat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.
I asked whether she was okay, and whether she needed help. She just kept saying "I don't want my kids to see me crying." So, we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said that she was driving to California, and that things were very hard for her right now.
So, I asked, "And you were praying?" That made her back away from me a
Little. But I assured her that I was not a crazy person, and said, "He heard you, and He sent me." I took out my card and swiped it through the cardreader on the pump, so she could fill up her car completely. While it was fueling, I walked to the next door
McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little. She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City. Her boyfriend had left 2 months ago, and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent on the first of January, and finally, in desperation, had called her parents in California, with whom she had not
spoken in about 5 years.
They said that she could come live with them, and try to get on her feet there. So she packed up everything that she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to
California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live
there. I gave her my gloves, a little hug, and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road.
As I was walking over to my car, she said, "So, are you, like,
an angel or something?" This definitely made me cry. I said,
"Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so sometimes
God uses regular people." It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem.
I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check. But I suspect that the
mechanic won't find anything wrong. Sometimes the angels fly close
enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings. Here is a useful prayer:
Father/Mother, who dwells in heaven-mind, I ask You to bless Thy children, who are my children, and grandchildren, friends, acquaintances, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Bless all hearts everywhere, and fill them with happiness and peace. Fill them with Love. Show them a new revelation of your love! Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their souls, hearts, minds, and bodies at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through Thy grace. In the precious name of the Christ, I receive all this with gratitude if it is Thy will. Amen.
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Chuckles, Chortles, Snorts, and Laughs: Humortherapy
BIGOTS, THE JOKE'S ON YOU! Sent in by Christine Finer (adapted from "blond" jokes! )
Did you hear about the two bigots
that froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see "Closed for the
winter."
Why did the bigot resolve to have
only 3 children?
She heard that 1 out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese.
but can't find him.
broken!"
A bigot hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her
index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?"
the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit
suicide," the bigot replied.
"What?" sputtered the
doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the bigot
said.
"First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought:
I just paid $6,000.00 for these
breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in
the chest."
"So then?" asked the
doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my
mouth, and I thought:
I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself
in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my
ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise.
So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage, and twelve bigots were stuck on the escalators
for over four hours.
MINIPARABLE OF
GREEDY LUST!
A man and his wife, in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.
A good fairy came to them and said that she would grant each of them a very special wish.
The woman wished for a trip around the world. Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The husband wished for a female companion
30 years younger. Immediately he turned ninety!!!
Some Commonsense but Skeptical notes, sent in by Cheri Cones-Ross
What is the best form of birth control after sixty?
Nudity!
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good
looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18
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How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
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What's the difference between a porcupine and a bmw?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
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Why did oj simpson want to move to Iraq?
Everyone has the same DNA.
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Why do some men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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Why do drivers education classes in Iraqi schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
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Keep on laughing and
smiling!:) Keep spreading the Love! Keep on having
fun!:)
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SEVEN TRUTHS OF LIFE, sent in by Ty Scharrer
1) Life is sexually transmitted.***2) Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.***3 - Give a person a fish & you feed him for a day; teach a person to internet & she won't bother you for weeks.***4 ) Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.***5) All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.***6) In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird & people take Prozac to make it normal.***7) Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very striking resemblance to the first.
***
Abby's Most Complex Challenges, sent in by Gene Janning
Dear Abby
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged
gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two
women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave
their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
***
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My
VCR?
***
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for
two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share
half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
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Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted
with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen
again.
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Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a
good Christian home turn against his own?
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Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I seen it. Now how do I get out?
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Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every
week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
***
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one
night he came home sober.
***
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental
pause.
***
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him
to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor.
Now what do I do?
***
YOU'RE FIRED! Sent in by Gene Janning
A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new ceo. This new
boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the
facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of
workers; and he wanted to let them know that he meant business! The ceo walked
up to the guy and asked, "And how much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow replied, "I make $300 a
week. Why?"
The ceo then handed the guy $1,200 in cash, and screamed,
"Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty
good about his first firing, the ceo looked around the room and asked, "Does
anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers muttered, "Pizza delivery guy."
***
WHO'S SWEARING NOW? Sent in by Ty Scharrer
A man went to church, and afterward, stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, that was a damn' fine sermon. Damn' good!"
The preacher said, "Thank you sir. But I'd rather you didn't use that kind of language in the Lord's House."
The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"
The preacher said, "Thank you. That's one hell of a lot of money!"
***
SIXES AND SIXES, sent in by Gene Janning
The husband asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied wistfully. So, on the morning of her birthday, he got up early, and made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms. Then he took her off to Disneyworld. What a day!
They went on every ride in the park: the Matterhorn,
Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean,
and the Haunted Mansion.
Five hours later, she staggered out of the themepark. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upside down. They drove to a McDonald's, where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate
shake.
Then it was off to a movie to see the latest, a hotdog, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally, at last, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed, exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and
lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed. She smiled softly, containing a laugh. "Is that what this crazy day was all about?" Then she whispered softly, "I meant my dress size!"
***
PROGNOSTICATIONS WRONG, sent in by Geoffrey Stoermer
Wednesday was Groundhog Day.
Wednesday was also the State of the Union Address.
It was an ironic juxtaposition of events.
One involved a meaningless ritual in which we looked to a creature of little intelligence for an accurate prognostication of the future.
The other involved a
groundhog.
***
LOUISIANA GHOST STORY, sent in by Linda Jung
This happened about a month ago just outside of Cocodrie, a little town
in the bayou country of Louisiana. And while it sounds like an Alfred
Hitchcock tale, it's real.
An out-of-state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time
passed slowly, and no cars went by. It was raining so hard that he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.
Desperately wanting a ride, he jumped in the car and closed the door; only then
did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an
engine to be heard over the rain. Again the car crept slowly forward
and he was terrified, too scared even to think of jumping out and running.
The car drove very slowly as it approached a sharp curve and, still too scared
To jump out, he started to pray and beg for his life. He was sure that the creeping
Ghost car would go off the road and into the bayou and he would surely drown! But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the slow car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window, and the hitchhiker was alone again!
Paralyzed with fear, he watched the hand reappear every time that they
reached a curve. Finally he, scared to death, had all that he could take
and jumped out of the car and ran to town.
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar. And, voice quavering, he ordered two
shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience.
A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized he
was telling the truth (and not just some drunk).
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar; and one said to the
other, "Look Boudreaux, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we wuz
pushin it in the rain."
***
ASSUMPTIONS IN AFTERLIFE: A MINILEGEND
After having died a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he was greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation that I helped conceive!" yelled Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry came up and said, "You wanted to end the American's liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punched Osama in the nose. James Madison came next and said, "This is why I allowed the government to provide for the common defense!" He took a sledge hammer and whacked Osama's knees. Osama was subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe and 67 other people who had the same love for liberty and America.
As the lunatic loser writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson hurled him back toward the gate where he was to be judged. As Osama awaited his journey to his final destination, he screamed "This is not what I was promised!"
An angel replied, "I promised you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"
***
Miniparable: WORDS: CRUCIAL FOR MEANING
A little boy was doing his math homework. He was saying to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine," and similar additions.
His mother heard him, and gasped," What are you doing?"
He replied, "My math home-work."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked, getting angry.
"Yes," he answered, wide-eyed.
Infuriated, the mother visited the teacher the next day. "What are you teaching my son in math?" she demanded.
The teacher replied, "Addition."
The mother glared. "And are you teaching him to say, 'Two plus two, that son of a bitch is four;?"
The teacher laughed until tears ran from her eyes. When she could finally catch her breath, she replied, "No, not at all! What I taught them was, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.'"
***
Miniparable: TOO MUCH ADAPTATION!, sent in by Gene Janning
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good
idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It
worked. The front of the church fills first."
The young priest nodded and the old one continued, "And you told me a
little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I
supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel band. We are
packed to the balcony."
"Thank you," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are
open to the new ideas."
"But,", said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid
you've gone too far with the drive-thru Confessional."
"But," protested the young priest. "My confessions have nearly
doubled since I began that!"
"I know," replied the old man. "But that flashing neon sign,
'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell,' 'can't stay on the church roof!"
***
Miniparable: FOOLISHNESS OF THE "SILENT TREATMENT"
A man and his wife were having problems at home, and
were giving each other the notorious "silent treatment." The next
week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me
at 5:00 AM."
The next morning, he woke up, only to discover that it was
9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said,
"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up!"
***
WORDS OF CYNICISM
Love is
grand;
divorce is a hundred grand.
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I am in shape.
Round is a shape.
***
Time may be a great healer,
but it's a lousy beautician.
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Talk is cheap;
supply
exceeds demand.
***
An optimist thinks this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears this is true.
***
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
***
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right
time,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
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Miniparable: A CARROT, EGG, AND CUP OF COFFEE, sent in by Christine Finer
You might never look at a cup of coffee the
same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her
about her life, and how
things were so hard for her. She
did not know how she was going to make it
and wanted to give up. She was
tired of fighting and struggling.
It seemed that, as one problem was
solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and
placed each on a high fire. Soon
the water in the pots started to boil. In the first, she
placed carrots; in the second, she placed eggs; and in the last, she
placed ground coffee beans. She
let them boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes, she turned off the burners.
She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the
eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did,
and noted that they were soft.
The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After
pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the
mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she
tasted its rich aroma. The
daughter then asked, "What does it mean?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same
adversity .. boiling water. Each
reacted differently. The carrot
went in
strong, hard, and unrelenting. However,
after being subjected to the
boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile.
Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting
through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee
beans were unique, however: After
they were in the boiling water, they
had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your
door, how do you respond?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"
Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with
pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the
heat? Did I have a fluid spirit,
but after a death, a breakup, a
financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my
shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a
stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The
bean actually changes the hot water,
the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it
releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things
are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you
elevate yourself to another level (transcend)? How do you handle adversity? Are you a
carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
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CAUTION
WITH CREDIT CARDS, sent in by Christine Finer
A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the locker. After the workout and a shower, he came
out, saw the locker open, and thought to himself, "Funny, I thought I locked
it. Hmmmmm."
He dressed, and just flipped the wallet, to make sure all was in order.
Everything looked okay. All cards
were in place. A few weeks later,
his credit card bill came-- a whopping
bill of $14,000! He called the
credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make
the transactions. Customer care
personnel verified that there was no mistake in the system, and asked whether
his card had been stolen. "No," he said.
But then, he took out his wallet, pulled out the credit card,
and saw that a switch had been made. An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the
wallet. The thief had broken into
his locker at the gym and switched cards.
Verdict: The credit card issuer said since the friend did not report the card
missing earlier, he would have to pay the amount owed to them. How much did he have to pay for items he
did not buy?
$9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped? Small amounts rarely trigger a
"warning bell" with some credit card companies. It just so happens that all the small
amounts added up to a big one!
SCENE 2
A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card. The bill for the meal came, he signed
it, and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along.
Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket. This time, though, he actually took a
look at the card. And, lo and
behold, it was the expired card of another person.
He called the waitress, and she looked perplexed. She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter
under the watchful eye of the man. All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave
the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter cashier
immediately looked down and took out the real card. No exchange of words-- nothing! She took it and came back to the man with an apology.
Verdict: Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours. Check the name on the card every time
you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of
time.
Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, thinking
that it has to be theirs.
FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT
IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!
SCENE 3
Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I had called
in. I paid by using my Visa Check
Card which, of course, is linked directly to my checking account. The young man
behind the counter took my card, swiped it, then laid it flat on the counter as
he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure. While he waited, he picked up his cell
phone and started dialing. I
noticed the phone because it is
the same model I have, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then I heard a click that sounded like
my phone sounds when I take a picture. He then gave me back my card, but kept the phone in his hand
as if he was still pressing buttons. Meanwhile, I'm thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture
of, oblivious to what was really going on. It then dawned on me the only thing there was my credit card,
so now I was paying close
attention to what he was doing. He
set his phone on the counter, leaving it open. About five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells you
that the picture has been saved. Now I was standing there struggling with the fact that this
boy just took a picture of my credit card. Yes, he played it well, because had we not had the same kind
of phone, I probably would never have known what had happened. Needless to say, I immediately canceled
that card as I was walking out of the pizza parlor.
Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Whenever you are using your credit cards, take caution and
don't be careless. Notice who is
standing near you and what they are doing when you use your card. Be aware of phones, because many have a
camera phone contained and integrated within them.
When you are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress brings your card and
receipt for you to sign, make sure you scratch the number off. Some restaurants are using only the last
four digits, but a lot of them are still transferring the whole number-line.
I have already been a victim of credit card fraud and, believe me, it is not
fun. The truth is that they can
get you even when you are careful, but don't make it easy for them.
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DON'T SAY IT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT!, sent in by Pat Goodman
Just before the commander of the Apollo 11 Moon-landing Mission returned to earth (1969), he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." It seemed a casual remark.
Many people wondered what it meant. Here is the story: In 1938, when he was a kid, he was tossing a baseball in the backyard with a friend. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard, by the neighbor's bedroom window. (His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.) As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Neil Armstrong heard the furor of screaming argument from inside: Mrs. Gorsky was shouting at Mr. Gorsky: "Sex! You want sex!? You'll get sex-- when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
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THE BAD OL' DAYS, sent in by Maureen Dwyer
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water
temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500's:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in
May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting
to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence, the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house
had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and
men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By
then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence
the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs-- thick straw-- piled high, with no wood
underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the
cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it
rained, it became slippery, and sometimes the animals would slip off the
roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed
a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the phrase, "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh. When you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the word, "thresh hold."
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When
visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and they would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content
caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning
death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years
or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust." Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days; and the family
would gather around, eat, drink, and wait and see whether they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake." England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside; and they realized that they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground, and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
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NATURAL CURES
Note: We have run this article before. In fact, we published it in the March 2004 issue of Lovelight magazine. But so many of you have said just how extremely valuable it has been that we have decided to reprint it yet again here:
Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain-relievers."***Colgate Toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.***Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoid Peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.***Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of Horseradish in a cup of Olive Oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.***Sore Throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. It kills bacteria.***Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product has never been advertised for this use.***Eliminate puffiness under your eyes. All you need is a dab of Preparation H, CAREFULLY rubbed into the skin, avoiding the eyes. The hemorrhoid ointment acts as a vasoconstrictor, relieving the swelling instantly.***Honey remedy for skin blemishes: Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.***Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.***Coca-Cola Cure for rust: Forget those expensive rust removers. Saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the Coke is what gets the job done.***Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer: If menacing bees, wasps, hornets or yellow jackets get in your home, and you can't find the insecticide (or even if you CAN), try a spritz of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.***Smart splinter remover: Pour a drop of Elmer's Glue over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.***Hunt's Tomato Paste Boil Cure: Cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.***Balm for broken blisters: To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic.***Heinz Vinegar To heal bruises: Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar, and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness, and speeds up the healing process.***Kill fleas instantly. Dawn Dishwashing Liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath, and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas!***Rainy day cure for dog odor: Next time your dog comes in from the rain, wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.***Eliminate ear mites: All it takes is a few drops of Wesson Corn Oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat once daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.***Vaseline cure for hair balls: To prevent troublesome hair balls, apply a dollop of Vaseline petroleum jelly to your cat's nose. Kitty will lick off the jelly, lubricating any hair in its stomach so it can pass easily through the digestive system.***Quaker Oats for fast pain relief: It's not for just breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl, and warm in the microwave for 1 minute. Cool slightly and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
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QUOTABLE SPIRITUAL QUOTE, sent in by Gene Janning
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not
sure about the former.”
--Albert Einstein
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FOR COSMIC LOVERS:
1. Give to Love what is "right," not just what's "left."***2. Love: trading a hopeless end for an endless hope!***3. She who kneels before Love can stand before anyone!***
4. When "praying" interiorly, be sure not to try to give the cosmic Mind "instructions." Just show up!***5. We don't change the Way of Love; It changes us!***6. Exercise daily: Walk the Way of Love!***7. She who angers you, controls you!***8. Give fear an inch, and it will immediately become a "ruler."***9. Love does not call the "qualified," but qualifies the ones called to Its service.***10. A simple Way to total freedom: Love everyone, forgive everyone, serve everyone.
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INFO ABOUT
CLOTHES DRYERS, sent in by Christine Finer
The heating unit went out on my dryer! Why does everything seem to fall apart
this time of year!??? The guy who
fixes things went in to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was
clean. We always clean the lint from the filter after every load of
clothes. He told us that he wanted to show us something. He took
the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. Now, this thing is
like a mesh. The hot water just
laid on top of the mesh. It didn't go through it at all!!!
He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh. And that's what burns out the heating
unit. You can't SEE the film, but it's there. He said the best way
to keep your dryer working for a very long time (and to keep your electric bill
lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old
brush at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer
at least twice as long!
Note: I went to the dryer and tested my screen by running water on
it. The water collected a little,
but ran through the screen. I dried it off and was ready to put it back
in the dryer since the water ran through it. But, I thought, what the heck? It won't hurt to wash it while I had it out. Warm soap
water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds.
I then ran the water over the screen, and what a difference! The water just gushed through it with no
puddling at all! This time I was
running the water at a faster rate. That repairman knew what he was
talking about!
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INNOCENT BLOOD ON THE SNOW By
Richard Francis
They're at it again! Cruel, frigid persons with ice-block hearts are again slaughtering baby seals-- creatures with well-developed mammalian nervous systems, who can feel pain as much as your own children!
Greed alone turns ordinary people into hideous monsters. Everyone, from local merchants to heads of government, is vulnerable to this mental disease. So, the pandemic-alert should be sounded-- loudly, widely, and immediately!
Higher nature calls all of us to reject ghastly greed, and cultivate generosity and kindness. At any moment, each of us is capable of metamorphosis into either saint or savage. But greed pulls us continuously towards the nightmare of the territorial. Greed's opposite, compassion, pulls us in the other direction.
Greed turns us into animals who cannot live at peace with even peaceful, harmless seal-pups! This greedy bestiality strips the interior mind of all beauty, intelligence, wisdom, and compassion. It leaves only ice and steel in its wake. The heart becomes an ice-box, stripped of all warmth, empathy, and tenderness. Under greed's pathological influence, we can become nightmarish things-- vicious, loveless, and soulless.
Human beasts, in their white-hot passion for dollars only, do not value human or other life. Their only value is the dollar. They have already come to within a micrometer of ruining, irreversibly, our entire planet. Where they pass is only smoke and blood, ruination everywhere. Nature abhors them, and they her. But when the dollar is the only value, nature is disposable. This black, backwards worldview brings death and filth. Economic monsters have denied their own nature as human beings-- a part of, not apart from, nature. And they will hesitate for not a microsecond to lay the entire planet on the murky altar of their demongod, greed.
If you are looking for the "demonic" or "satanic," you need go no further. For such hellish beings would rule not only our country, but our minds. Therein lies the greatest danger.
MINIPARABLE-QUIZ: FAME AND FORTUNE ARE DUST!
1. Name the five wealthiest people.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five Miss Americas.
4. Name ten winners of the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half-dozen Academy Award winners for "best actor" and "best actress."
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
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Nobody remembers the "headliners" of yesterday. And these are no second-rate achievers. They are the BEST in their fields! But the applause dies; awards tarnish; achievements are forgotten; accolades and awards are buried with their owners.
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Now, try this one!
1. Name teachers who aided your journey through school and life.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through challenging times or crises.
3. Name a few people who have taught you something worth learning.
4. Name a few who have made you feel appreciated and/or special.
5. Name some with whom you enjoy spending time.
6. Name those whose stories have inspired you.
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Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most money, credentials, and accolades. They are the ones who care!
THE GENTLE ART OF BLESSING AND BLISSING
On awakening, bless this day! For it is already full of unseen good! Your blessings will call it forth! For to bless is to acknowledge the unlimited good that is embedded in
the very texture of the universe. It awaits each and all.
To bless means to wish unconditional, total, unrestricted good for all others! This blessing comes
from the deepest wellspring in the innermost chamber of your heart. It means to hallow,
to hold in reverence, to behold with utter awe that which is always a gift from the
Creator/Creatrix! She who is hallowed by your blessing is set aside, consecrated, holy, whole, healed.
To bless is to invoke divine care upon, to think or speak gratefully for, to confer
happiness upon . We are never the bestower, but simply the joyful
witnesses of Life's abundance.
To bless all without discrimination of any sort is the ultimate form of giving. Why? Because
those you bless will never know from whence came the sudden ray of sun that burst through
the clouds of their skies. Also, you will rarely be a witness to the sunlight in their
lives.
When something goes completely askew in your day, some unexpected event knocks down your
plans, and you too, burst into blessing! For life is teaching you a lesson. The
very event that you believe to be unwanted, You (your Self) called forth. Why? To learn the
lesson you might rebel against, were you not to bless it. Trials are blessings in disguise.
Hosts of "angels" follow in their path.
To bless is to acknowledge the omnipresent, universal beauty hidden from material eyes. It
is to activate the law of attraction. This, from the furthest reaches of the universe,
will bring into your life exactly what you need! So you can experience and enjoy it all.
Bless the beautiful Being that is You! It is impossible to bless and to judge at the same time. So hold constantly as a deep,
hallowed, intoned thought that desire to bless. Truly, then, you will become a
peacemaker. And one day you shall, everywhere, behold the face of God.