LOVELIGHT
magazine
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January 2006*** Vol. 3, no. 1
*************************************************SPECIAL HUMORTHERAPY ISSUE!************
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
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Managing editors: Richard Shining Thunder Francis and Adamaria Francis
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Contributors to this issue: Chris Finer, Mark Franzen, Mick Gallagher, Gene Janning, Linda Jung, Ty Scharrer, Geoffrey Stoermer
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THE WAY OF INFINITE MIND AND COMPASSION: MYSTICISM, by Richard Shining Thunder Francis
It is older than any religion or culture on our planet. The ancients say that it was not discovered, but given to human beings by the "gods." Its origin, they said, was with the "people of the sky," or, "people of the stars." When writing was invented, it was already ancient.
This mysterious mystery-path is "mysticism." Since this word is regularly abused and misdefined, by even journalists, historians, and religious leaders-- all of whom should know better-- we will start with a definition: "Mysticism" is not occultism or fuzzy thinking; it is not medieval or anti-scientific. And it is not religion.
That takes care of what mysticism is not. But what is it? It is a profound guiding philosophy, a Way of life. It emphasizes that only Mind is real; the "external, material" world or cosmos it regards as maya, or "illusion." God is viewed as Mind-- the deepest level of the Unconscious, living deeply within you, and me. The "external, physical" world is neither; it is an internal and mental dream, created by infinite Mind. This Mind is "truth" or Reality. In fact, one of the most fascinating synonyms for "God" in mystical literature is "Reality." For, out of the ten thousand things that we see and use every day, only mind is real. And God, being deeper Mind, is more real than you or me.
The cosmos is God's dream. He/She is dreaming into being the entire "physical, external, material" cosmos-- through your mind or nervous system. The world is real, but not absolutely real, and so, is called "illusion," or "dream." Only Mind is absolutely real.
And, in all the limitless, immeasurable galaxies of infinite Mind, only Love is real. That is why mystics are famous for their equation, "God is Love." And Love is also God; we, as mystics, actually worship Love.
We have never worshiped a "big daddy in the sky," an old guy with a white beard. We have never served an "ultimate Extraterrestrial." Our God has never been "out there," for there is no "out there"! there is only "in here," and that is where God or Love dwells. Our "god" is not a genie, Santa Claus, white knight, or servant. Our God is Master, and She/He/It is Love Itself.
To worship Love means to serve Love. So, unconditional Love is the nucleus of our ethics and morality. The Law of Love is imprinted upon the human heart, and so, we are free of obedience or service to any sets of scriptures. We are independent of all religions (we may choose to belong to any, or to none), and equally independent of gurus, ministers, priests, elders, and other "administrivia." The important matter of our behavior is between us and God (deepest interior Mind) alone. We need no one else to stand between us and our God.
Long ago, we abandoned false gods of fairy-tales, and the gods of violence. We turned our backs on Jehovah, the ancient wargod, whose violence and brutality soak the pages of the Hebrew Scriptures ("Old Testament"), and our God is incapable of anger, violence, or murder. Our God knows nothing of the hideous myth of "eternal hellfire" or the nightmarish folly of a violent and stupid "Armageddon."
Our God does not judge. Jesus, in John, said, "The Father judges no one." The Buddha identified the highest function of Mind as karuna or "compassion," and Jesus said that it was agape, or "Love." So, we follow Love alone-- each of us to the best of his or her understanding and ability. We mystics share no leaders in common, for our only true "Leader" is the Buddha or Christ of the heart. We have no church-buildings, organizations, hierarchy, dogmas, or doctrines. We have only personal beliefs, which can vary among mystics. We share only one element in common, and that is our commitment to Love, shared as kindness, goodness, compassion, courtesy, honesty, and friendliness. We express Love in two ways: Service and friendship. These two are the essence of our sacred activities. Our faith is utterly practical, and improves life. It does not consist of empty ritual, but of genuine activity, the actions requested by Love. Every act of Love is an act of worship. Every thought of Love is a true "prayer."
We are not interested in "making converts." Indeed, we possess no religion to which others can be "converted." But, if you are interested in becoming the very best Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Taoist, Wiccan, or native shaman possible, then, mysticism is for you! This intercultural, interreligious path is designed for anyone who wants to take spirituality seriously. For it is all about the path of the "psychonaut"-- the explorer of inner space. There are no organizations or churches to join, nothing to sign, no baptisms or communions. How do you join the international, and interplanetary, Community of Love? By loving! So go forth, starting this minute, and plant the seeds of Love!
***
Richard Francis has taught mysticism and the various forms of the Way, spiritual psychology, for thirty years. He has written or edited fifteen books on the subject.
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MINDFULNESS: MAKING EVERY MOMENT THE BEST! by Richard Francis
Focusing on the way that you breathe can change your responses to the world, and to yourself. This ancient Zen tool is recommended by many masters of many traditions.
This makes mind more efficient; so, it "increases" your time! Living in the "eternal now" allows you more efficiently to use your mindenergy. So, it is one of the very many practical techniques of spirituality.
Do not divide time into parts. It is all one, big, seamless "now." It is always now. And now. And now.
Concentrate all attention and focus on whatever you are doing. Do not let the mind wander into fantasies, dreams, or memories; ground it completely, utterly, in whatever you are doing now. This gives laserlike intensity. When washing dishes, just wash the dishes.
This has been summed up as, Be here now." This is very obvious, and is no great, transcendental discovery; it is just common sense. But when we are lost in nonexistent mindrealms (past, future), we are not living in the real world. If this pattern is repeated, we might not really (in reality) live one minute! So, it is possible to live an entire life, so distracted that you never really ever live—in the now!
You get involved in mind-projects, and partly forget what you are doing now. So, you only partially do it—often, poorly.
Mindfulness, by contrast, is to place yourself right in the center of events. Consider: A woman eating an orange begins to think about it. At that moment, she is no longer a woman purely eating an orange. Now, she is a woman thinking about a woman eating an orange. She has placed herself "one step away" from being simply a woman eating an orange. To have the "pure" experience, she would have to "immerse" herself, without thought, in the delicious flavor of the juicy fruit
A recommended exercise is, upon awakening, to say, "Just awakened. Relaxing the muscles. Breathing deeply." Similar thoughts accompany ordinary activities; think, "Washing my hands," when doing that, and "brushing my teeth," when doing that. This creates mindbody coordination, instead of supporting the unhealthy mindbody split. This is "taking hold" of your own mind.
Mindfulness is keeping one's mind alive to the present moment. For only this moment is real, or "reality.". It is the unification of mind and body in simple tasks, so that their unity continues in more important missions. It is "centering."
Reminders can be repeated, but you do not want to lose yourself in repetitions, or else, you lose touch with the actual act. This makes life richer, for, when making Love, for example, the entire ambience can be totally ruined and crushed by a meandering focus. We can be made insensitive to the wonder of miraculous life by mere repetition. But mindfulness can return the incredible beauty and mysterious miracle to a rose. It sharpens the awe and wonder of life. "Walking on earth" is a miracle! So are blue skies, flowers, crystals, critters, and, most of all, Love with its glowing warmth.
So, be alert. Concentrate and focus on what is in front of you. For that is the cosmos' "assignment" to you. If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing well; so, give it all that you've got! Don't let impatience, anger, memories, plans, or visualizations interfere. Call back to one "object of concentration" all your "dispersed mind." Mindfulness is the opposite of scattering thought. Only it makes it possible to "live fully each minute."
It is connected with breath. Breath "connects life to consciousness." Monitoring your breath is the very practice of mindfulness. In time, it can create the "great awakening" of enlightenment. It is a method of mindstilling that you can use even while talking, working, or playing! Ideally, it becomes a practice that pervades life every minute.
But do not make too great an effort, or you might interfere with nature. You must allow this breathing to occur, not force it. CAUTION: If you devote too much time to watching the breath, you lose touch with what you are doing in the now, defeating your purpose. Simply use attention to the breath to recenter you in mindfulness of the now.
Allow the lungs to take in air naturally, without "trying" or forcing. Continue to measure your breaths while walking, standing, or sitting during the day. Ten breaths are enough to watch.
After fifteen minutes, your thoughts should slow down.
Count your breaths. Say to yourself, "Inhale one, exhale one, inhale two, exhale two…," etc. Repeat twenty times.
The breath is a natural tool designed to bring peace and tranquility to the mind. "A person who knows how to breathe…knows how to build up endless vitality," say the masters. "Proper breathing is more important than food," is a common teaching. Right breathing strengthens every organ.
"Breath itself is mindfulness."
Here is the essence of mindfulness: When you are drinking tea, drinking tea is the most important event of your life. For, at that "now," it is the only event in your life. Every action is transformed into a sacred ceremony. Everything is done "in a sacred manner."
Bathing Is another example. As baptism, it is a variation of the internal cleansing or purification (purgatorio) of the soulmind. So, take your time; do it carefully, slowly, and with attention and intention. Adopt the same state of mind when sweeping, organizing closets, washing, etc.
Learn to relax while working, and do not do it to get it over with. Each act, each movement, at each moment, is part of mindfulness. So, each is truly spirituality. Each act is an end and a goal in itself. So, as in karmayoga, you do not work for results. You do not work to "get the job done," or to accomplish anything. You work because the work itself is a sacred act. It has no goal; it is the goal.
Maintaining silence can enhance interiority and sacredness. Do work sacredly and reverently; do everything as if you are handling sacred objects. Do not worry about the future. Don't think about "completing" the task. This "now" is everything!
Some take one day a week as their "day of mindfulness." If you do this, it will affect positively your progress.
Daily, everyone needs total rest, which we do not get from sleep.
MEDITATION. This total relaxation comes from the altered state created by meditation. Mindfulness places you in a very similar state of relaxed but sharp, bright, intense focus.
Any position is fine for meditation, but try to keep the spine straight. A half-smile relaxes all the muscles of the face, and gives positive feedback. Visualize yourself as a pebble sinking into deep water. Do not see either meditation or mindfulness as a "job." See them as times of relaxation or "minivacation."
Deep within, your Mind is already filled with bliss, Love, wisdom, intelligence, and awesome beauty. The purpose of both mindfulness and meditation is to release this perfect interior Mind, called "Buddhamind." In this great altered state, you are no longer subject to control by life's challenges. You escape the suffering and fear, realizing that the cosmos is all but a dream within the great Mind, of which you are an indispensable part.
Don't run after your thoughts; simply acknowledge them, and move back to the mind of joy and peace.
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SNORTS,
SNICKERS, AND CHUCKLES: THE MIRACLE OF HUMORTHERAPY
FUNNY AND STRANGE FACTS, sent in by Gene Janning (Archives)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.(Hardly seems worth it) ***The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. ***A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (I want to be a pig in my next life) ***A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. ***Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. ***The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home… what the $!) *** The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (Lucky pig, 30 minutes – can you imagine)*** The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) ***Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)*** Butterflies taste with their feet. ***The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. ***Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer
than left-handed people. ***Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. ***A cat's urine glows under a black light. *** An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.) ***Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.) ***Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)
PEARLY GATES, sent in by Gene Janning (Archives)
A man appears before the pearly gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing...." the man offers. Once, I came upon a
gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I
directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I
approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on
the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on
the ground and told him, "Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me!"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago."
Top 10 Signs To Buy A New Car..., sent in by Ty Scharrer (Archives)
10. Your passenger seat is
on the National Register of
Historic Places.
9. Instead of an
air bag, there's a whoopee cushion
taped to your steering wheel.
8. You lose the
stoplight challenge to a 14-year-old on
a moped.
7. The 15 minute
JiffyLube needs to keep your car for 3
days.
6. When you gas up,
the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct
tape that windshield for
you?"
5. Thieves
repeatedly break in your car just to steal "The
Club."
4. While sitting at
a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.
3. For the last
five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom" noises while in the
driveway.
2. You keep losing
dates on left turns.
1. Traffic reporters start referring to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.
DOCTORS'
NOTES , sent in by Ty Scharrer (Archives)
These are doctors'' notes on patients'' charts: (Actual notes - unedited;
May have been written by nurse, doctor, or assistant)
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day, the knee was better and on the 3rd day, it disappeared
completely.
3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in
1993.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused an autopsy.
9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient''s past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady
pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to
work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (ouch!)
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her adult life, until
she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for
physical therapy.
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stockbroker instead.
27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
29. Patient was seen in consultation by (Dr. Blank), who felt we should sit on
the abdomen and I agree.
30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. Patient has two teenage children,
but no other abnormalities
Psychiatric
Hotline, sent in by Ty Scharrer (Archives)
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
Telephone Dialing Instructions:
If you are obsessive-compulsive,
please press 1...repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent,
please ask someone to press 2 for
you.
If you have multiple personalities,
please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are a paranoid-delusional,
there is no need to press
anything. We already know who
you are and what you want.
If you are schizophrenic, listen
very carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive,
it doesn't matter what number you
press. No one will
answer you.
If you are delusional and
occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on
the side of
your head is alive and about to bite off your ear!
A group of office
co-workers decided one day to share a ride to work. What they did not
realize was that
they also shared
the same fear - claustrophobia.
As they were driving through a
mountain subway, all began to scream wildly! The car went
out of control, but finally, they were able to slow down and pull
over
to the side of the road.
A psychologist, who was driving
behind the car, saw everything, and stopped to see if
he could
help. He knew
that they were suffering from carpool tunnel
syndrome.
Drivers License Test, sent
in by Ty Scharrer (Archives)
The following
are a sampling of REAL answers received
on exams
given by the California Department of
Transportation's
driving school (read Saturday Traffic
School for
moving violation offenders.)
Q: Who has
the right of way when four cars approach a
four-way
stop at the same time?
A: The
pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper
sticker
saying, 'Guns don't kill people. I do.'
Q: When
driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can
you reduce the possibility of having an
accident?
A: Be too
drunk to find your keys.
Q: What
problems would you face if you were arrested
for drunk
driving.
A: I'd
probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What
changes would occur in your lifestyle if you
could no
longer drive lawfully?
A: I would
be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What
are some points to remember when passing or
being
passed?
A: Make
eye contact and wave 'hello' if he/she is cute.
Q: What is
the difference between a flashing red
traffic
light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The
color.
Q: How do
you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy
psychedelics.
Q: What
can you do to help ease a heavy traffic
problem?
A: Carry
loaded weapons.
DUMB ADVICE TO
DUMB CROOKS, sent in by Ty Scharrer (Archives)
If you plan to commit a crime and run from the police on
foot... *Do* pick a more subtle color to wear than bright
yellow pants.
*Don't* invite a uniformed police officer into your home to
chat about a crime you witnessed if you have dope on the
table in plain view.
When you go on a burglary spree *Do* ensure you have enough
gas in your vehicle to drive away from your crime scene.
"But I know the people who live here" is *Not* a valid
justification for burglarizing a neighbors house when they
are out of town.
When an officer is demonstrating a field sobriety test
*Don't* say, "Well, I can't do that sober!" on camera, and
then plead not guilty.
If you are going to steal a car *Do* pick one that will
blend in traffic better than a pearl white six door limo.
*Don't* answer a question with the phrase, "Who me?" when
you and the officer are the only people in a ten mile
radius.
*Don't* repeat the question that the officer just asked.
It's considered a stall technique and it gives away the fact
you are getting ready to lie through your teeth.
*Don't* say, "I ain't got no dope. Why you wanna search my
car?" before the officer even introduces himself/herself on
the traffic stop.
*Do* pick an alias you can spell before you lie to the officer about your name
A FOOL FOR AN ATTORNEY, sent in by Ty Scharrer
Oklahoma City... Dennis Newton was on
trial for the
armed robbery of a convenience store
in a district
court this week when he fired his
lawyer.
Assistant district attorney Larry
Jones said Newton,
47, was doing a fair job of defending
himself until the
store manager testified that Newton
was the robber.
Newton jumped up, accused the woman of
lying and then
said, "I should of blown your
[expletive] head off."
The defendant paused, then quickly
added, " - if I'd
been the one that was
there."
The jury took 20 minutes to convict
Newton and
recommended a 30-year sentence.
FUNNY SAYINGS, sent in by Gene Janning (Archives)
1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person
to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.
3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end
and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had
an argument going.
6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no
one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.
7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice
about a woman is her eyes, and women say the first thing they notice
about men is they're a bunch of liars.
8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.
10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have
come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers
exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has
already happened.
14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here
legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long
as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late
with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster
in charge of immigration.
2006 EDITION OF "YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN…" sent in by Linda Jung
You take your dog for a walk, and you both use the same tree.***You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a
flyswatter.***Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.***You burn your yard rather than mow it.***You think the "Nutcracker" is something you did off the high-dive.***The Salvation Army declines your furniture.***You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.***You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.***You come back from the dump with more than you took.***You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.***Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.***Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.***You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.***You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.***You go to the stockcar races and don't need a program.***You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.***You have a rag for a gascap.***Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.***You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.***You can spit without opening your mouth.***You consider your license plate personalized because your father
made it.***Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.***You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.***The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.***Your working tv sits on top of your nonworking tv.***You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.***A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
improvements.***You've used a toiletbrush to scratch your back.***You missed your fifth-grade graduation because you were on jury duty.***You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.***
***
THE BLOND AND THE TRUCKER, sent in by Ty Scharrer
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his
truck, and knocks on the door. He
lowers the window, and she says "Hi.
You are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her, and proceeds down the street.
When he stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks
on the door. Again, he lowers the
window. As if they've never
spoken, she says brightly, "Hi.
You are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, he ignores her again; and he continues down
the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, she gets out of her
car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. He lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, You are losing
some of your load!"
When the light turns green he revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly
gets out of the truck, and runs back to her. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says, "Hi,
it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the salt truck!"
***
QUESTIONS
YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK, BUT DID NOT WANT TO SOUND STUPID, sent in
by Ty Scharrer
Are people who are allergic to nuts, allergic to coconuts
too?***Why are French fries not considered vegetables, since they are just deep
fried potatoes?***Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's
schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?***Do they have
burglar alarms at Christian bookstores?***Do stairs go up or down?***When
people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head
hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the
first place?***Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?***Why do the numbers on
phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?***Are children who act
in r-rated movies allowed to see them?***If the swat team breaks down your
door, do they have to replace it later?***Can a fire truck park in the fire
lane?***Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time?***"Cute as a button."
Is that supposed to be a
compliment? Since when are buttons
cute?***Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?***Are
marbles made of marble?***If you pay for a vacation, and your plane crashes on
the way there, do you get your money back?***
***
Today’s pun:
A horse walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "So, why the long face?"
***
GO, GRANNY,
GO! , sent in by Gene Janning
This is a true account as recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida.
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew
her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun,
and I know how to use it! Get
out of the car" !"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
It was for the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat! A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report
her mistake. The sergeant to whom
she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale
men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman
described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and
carrying a large handgun. No
charges were filed. If you're
going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one!
***
LEARNING FROM BROTHER DOG, sent in by Geoffrey Stoermer
The reason a dog has so many
friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
--Anonymous
**
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful.
--Ann Landers
**
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
--Will Rogers
**
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
--Ben Williams
**
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself.
--Josh Billings
**
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
--Andy Rooney
**
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-- Acklam
**
I wonder if other dogs think
poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
--Rita Rudner
**
A dog teaches a boy fidelity,
perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down.
--Robert Benchley
**
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
--Franklin P. Jones
**
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
--James Thurber
**
If your dog is fat, you aren't
getting enough exercise.
--Unknown
**
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3 a can. That's almost $21 in dog money.
--Joe Weinstein
**
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get
used to the idea.
--Robert A. Heinlein
**
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
--Mark Twain
**
Dogs are not our whole life,
but they make our lives whole.
--Roger Caras
**
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your
pocket and then give him only two of them.
--Phil Pastoret
**
My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks that I am.
*****
*****
LEARNING FROM SISTER HORSE, sent in by Chris Finer
Just up the road is a field, with two horses in it. From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop the car, you will notice something quite amazing.
Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing.
Listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse. Attached to her bridle is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.
As you stand and watch these two friends, you see how she is always checking on him. He will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is. He trusts that she will not lead him astray.
Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect, or because we have problems or challenges.
She/He brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need. Sometimes we are the blind horse, being guided by God and those whom she/he places in our lives. At other times, we are the guide horse, helping others see God (Love). Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know that they are always there.
*****
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IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU! sent in by Chris Finer
Every time that you interact with others,
you have the choice to listen to,
acknowledge, and let go of their words. Or, you can take what they are saying personally.
Taking things personally is often the
result of perceiving a person's actions or words as an affront or slight. In order to take something personally,
you must read negative intent into words or actions. But what people do or say most often has no bearing upon you.
And it is usually based on their
own experiences, emotions, and perceptions. If you attempt to take what they do or say personally, you
might end up feeling hurt without reason.
If you are tempted to take a comment or
action personally, creating some distance between yourself and the other person
can help you. Try to determine
what is at the root of your feelings. Ask yourself if the other person's words
or actions are just reinforcing some insecurity within you or if you can really
be sure that an offense was intended. You might even want to ask her what she meant.
Finally, put yourself in the other
person's place. Do not take her
words as the truth, or as a personal affront. Remember that whatever was said or done is based on only her
opinion. It is more reflective of
what is going on inside of her, rather than having anything to do with you. You
might have been an easy target for someone having a bad day. But her comments might have been offered
with no ill intentions. Recognize
that what anyone says or does doesn't necessarily have anything to do with
you. Then, you will no longer feel
hurt or attacked. It is easy to
take things personally. But you
should never let anyone's perceptions or actions affect how you see yourself or
your worth. Your life is personal
to you. It is up to you to create
your own sense of selfvalue and wellbeing.
*****
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MEMORABLE
WORDS, sent in by Chris Finer
"You can do good only if you feel good." -- Denis
Waitley
**
"Treat your body like a temple, not a woodshed. The mind and body work together. Your body needs to be a good support system for the mind and
spirit. If you take good care of
it, your body can take you wherever you want to go, with the power, strength,
energy, and vitality you will need to get there." -- Jim Rohn
**
"Laughter is the most healthful exertion." -- Christoph Wilhelm Hufeland
**
"It is not work that kills men; it is worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more upon a man than he
can bear. Worry is rust upon the
blade. It is not the revolution
that destroys the machinery, but the friction. Fear secrets acids; but love and trust are sweet juices."
-- Henry Ward Beecher
**
"May you have the greatest two gifts of all on these holidays: Someone to love and someone who loves you."--John Sinor (1930-1996)
**
"Show your "holiday spirit" all year, instead of waiting for the right day or season to come along."--Earl Woods
*****
*****
Worry is a misuse of imagination.
-- Dan Zadra, sent in by Mark Franzen.
*****
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BUMPERSTICKERS, sent in by Mick Gallagher.
These teach many deep lessons, and express many strong feelings, about the way that our country, and our world, is being run by greed instead of by compassion. Happy reading!—editors.
When do you fold a losing
hand?***Dear World, We Tried our best.***Half of America, Blind faith in bad
leadership is not patriotism!***If you are not outraged, you are not paying
attention!***If you supported Bush, a yellow ribbon will not make up for
it!***Support Our troops: Impeach Bush!***At least in Vietnam, Bush had an
"exit strategy"!***Send the twins!****Poverty, healthcare, and
homelessness are moral issues!***Remove Bush's feeding-tube!*** Support our
troops; bring them home now!***Bush lied, and you know it!***Fundamentalism: A
threat abroad and at home!***God bless everyone (no exceptions)!***Bush spent
your social security on his war!***Pro-America, Anti-Bush***Whom would Jesus
bomb?***If you support the war, why are you still here?***Shut up and Ship
out.***Feel safer now?***Presidents: Screwing interns, or screwing the whole
country?***Jesus was a socially activist liberal.***My values? Free speech.
Equality. Liberty. Education. Tolerance.***Is it 2008 yet?***Dissent is the
highest form of patriotism.—Jefferson.***Don't blame me; I voted against
Bush twice!***Clinton lied; nobody died!***Annoy a conservative; think for
yourself!***Visualize impeachment!***Corporate Media=mass mindcontrol.***Stop
Mad Cowboy disease!***Bush: Creating terrorists faster than he can murder
them!***Keep your theocracy off my democracy!***Democrats are sexy; whoever
heard of a "good piece of elephant"?***Corporate Media: weapons of
mass deception!***Dying for oil is not fighting for freedom!***Stemcell
research is pro-life!***The last time religion controlled politics, people got
burned alive!
*****
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LOVELETTERS FROM FRIENDS, BUDS, AND PALS
LOVE AND GREETINGS FROM INDIA, from David Hem Sagar
Dearest Francisji and Mariaji,
Namaste and Sneham! [Divine greetings and Love!]
We are fine. The Christmas Project went well. I went to a Tribal village maybe 70 miles from my place. I surprised them! They cannot speak Hindi or English. Of course they have a spoken language but do not have a written one. They are illiterate.
Most of the ones to whom we gave the gifts were orphans. I will send you the photos when they are ready. The kids became so happy! I personally thank you, Mariaji and sister Pat, for contributing your love through financing to meet this Christmas need.
The Christmas Project was a great success, Francisji. I shared Christmas in a small way…
How was your Christmas celebration, Francisji? Please write to me a few lines about this.
I hope the photos may speak to you when I send them to you by post. The 25th was a real blessing. The children said that no one else in that village came with such Love and gifts for them. All credit goes to you and sister Pat.
The rest is all fine….
Thank you very much for being so kind and tender hearted. Please convey our Love (Sneham) and Shanti (Peace) to all the friends there.
Bhai [younger brother] David
***